On Tue, 1 Aug 2017 18:14:57 +0100, Marjorie
>On 31/07/2017 17:43, Chris McMillan wrote:
>> Penny <***@labyrinth.freeuk.com> wrote:
>>> On Sun, 30 Jul 2017 19:47:13 +0100, Jenny M Benson <***@hotmail.co.uk>
>>> scrawled in the dust...
>>>> I've told my children it's entirely up to them what they do with me, but
>>>> I would really like to "go out" to the Post Horn Gallop.
>>> Ray 'went out' to the Ying Tong song :)
>>> Which was largely my idea - I think it would all have ended in tears had we
>>> gone with the only music any of us recalled Ray mentioning with regard to
>>> his funeral - Dido's Lament - particularly in the Jeff Buckley version one
>>> of his sons mentioned...
>> Which, as two umrats had it at the reception would reduce me to giggles. A
>> friend of mine is likely to pass away soon if he has another stroke,
>> timevis not on his side. He lost a lot of his consciousness of life after
>> two biggies a few weeks ago. He's not old, his wife has put in place that
>> he will go directly to be cremated and there will be no funeral but there
>> will be a memorial service (may be two as they moved from the Midlands to S
>> Coast but have so many friends in the Midlands and family, it could be
>> easier that way. She personally does not want her last memory to be a box.
>> When you've known your husband since you were 12, and in the same class
>> from 13, and started going out at 14, you can see her point. Just
>> celebrated their 42nd wedding anniversary.
>That's how I did it for Tony. I may as well share this with you now that
>the subject has come up. It is just over nine months ago now. Last
>Sunday would have been our 47th wedding anniversary. Get your tissues
>His body was collected by the funeral director from the hospice for a
>direct cremation. I had been with him while he died and afterwards, and
>there was no need for me to see his body again, or ever see the coffin.
>A few days later, the funeral directors took him to the crem - no one
>else went with them, not even me. They told us when it would be, and did
>the whole thing very respectfully, asking what clothes I had for him to
>wear, and what music we would like them to play as they took him on his
>Then another ten days later, on a day to suit all the family, we had our
>memorial ceremony at the Village Hall. This is a friendly place with
>happy memories for me, and it seemed right to hold it there. The
>ceremony was not unlike a funeral, but instead of a coffin, we had
>Tony's ashes, displayed in a miniature stainless steel beer barrel from
>the local brewery (he would have loved that!). I asked people to wear
>their normal, colourful clothes, as it would have distressed me to see
>everyone in black.
>The funeral director gave helpful advice: don't just have a party, he
>said, as people can feel cheated if you do that. They need a time to be
>solemn and reflective and respectful. So we had readings: a wonderful
>poem by Brian Patten called "So Many Different Lengths of Time", and
>John Masefield's Sea Fever, as Tony had always loved the sea, and wanted
>his ashes to go into the river Dart and be carried down to the sea ("And
>a quite sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick's over"). I spoke,
>as did both our daughters and a friend of Tony's, with fond
>reminiscences and even some funny incidents recalled. Our granddaughter
>sang the Irish/Scottish folk song The Parting Glass - she has the voice
>of an angel and did it with tremendous poise and simplicity. Then to
>finish, we played the Stones' "Out of Time" which was a favourite track
>of Tony's, and one that he had once remarked would be a good song for a
>Then we all got up, put out tables and rearranged the furniture, and
>served plenty of food and drink, which was something Tony had
>specifically requested. There was a lovely positive vibe by this point,
>and the hall was ringing with chatter and conversation.
>On the stage we had spread out on tables lots of items to do with Tony's
>life - things he had made or worn or used in his hobbies, certificates,
>photos, favourite belongings, etc. People enjoyed looking at these and I
>think everyone learned something they hadn't known about him.
>So that was how we did it - a funeral with no body and no religion. Tony
>had given his approval to the general idea, and I think he'd have been
>tremendously impressed and proud of us all if he could have seen it. I
>agree that a funeral is for the comfort of the living, but it also gives
>me comfort to know how much he'd have liked what we did for him.
That sounds lovely. I like Sea Fever too. And the songs chosen, and
the last event to remember someone after they died that I went to was
one where we, too, were asked to wear bright colours, not black.