2020-01-07 09:48:35 UTC
Spectator has the full text of his speech, his fifth and last. He's got
a bit too smarmy for me generally, but the penultimate para was rather
funny and the last para is absolutely spot on.
Here they are:
The world got to see James Corden as a fat pussy. He was also in the
movie Cats, but no one saw that. And the reviews were shocking. I saw
one that said this is the worst thing to happen to cats since dogs. But
Dame Judi Dench defended the film, saying it was the role she was born
to play because she – I can’t do this next joke. Because she loves
nothing better than plonking herself down on the carpet, lifting her leg
and licking her arse hole. She’s old school. It’s the last time, who cares.
Apple roared into the TV game with The Morning Show, a superb drama. A
superb drama about the importance of dignity and doing the right thing,
made by a company that runs sweatshops in China. So, well, you say
you’re woke, but the companies you work for. I mean, unbelievable:
Apple, Amazon, Disney. If Isis started a streaming service, you’d call
your agent, wouldn’t you? So if you do win an award tonight, please
don’t use it as a platform to make a political speech. You’re in no
position to lecture the public about anything. You know nothing about
the real world. Most of you spent less time in school than Greta
Thunberg. So if you win, come up, accept your little award, thank your
agent and your God and fuck off.
 No, not Gay Grables, Golden Globes