Discussion:
OT - umrats will know some
(too old to reply)
Badriya
2012-10-13 08:08:53 UTC
Permalink
Appeal for help.

I need jokes for 6 year olds. Maybe 2 or 3 on Mondays and Wednesdays.
You know the sort of thing:
What's brown and sticky? A stick
How do you know when if an elephant's been in the fridge? Footprints
in the butter.

Grandson told me one or two and seems towant me to come up with them
regularly and he loves them. If we don't have new ones he tells me
the ones I told him last time and I have to laugh :).
a l l y
2012-10-13 08:18:55 UTC
Permalink
Post by Badriya
Appeal for help.
I need jokes for 6 year olds. Maybe 2 or 3 on Mondays and Wednesdays.
What's brown and sticky? A stick
How do you know when if an elephant's been in the fridge? Footprints
in the butter.
Grandson told me one or two and seems towant me to come up with them
regularly and he loves them. If we don't have new ones he tells me
the ones I told him last time and I have to laugh :).
Ah, now these are the only sort of jokes I can remember.

Q. Why did they bury the red-haired man in the corner of the graveyard?
A. Because he was dead.
(That one used to be about a black man, but we can't say that any more, can
we?)

Q. How many elephants can you fit in a mini?
A. Four - two in the front and two in the back.
Q. How many giraffes can you fit in a mini?
A. None! It's full of elephants!

Oh - more later - must go - I have to attend a pink flash mob conga, play
some music and take some photos. See you later.

ally
J. P. Gilliver (John)
2012-10-13 08:30:10 UTC
Permalink
Post by a l l y
Post by Badriya
Appeal for help.
I need jokes for 6 year olds. Maybe 2 or 3 on Mondays and Wednesdays.
What's brown and sticky? A stick
What ticks on walls?
Ticky tuff.
Post by a l l y
Post by Badriya
How do you know when if an elephant's been in the fridge? Footprints
in the butter.
[]
Post by a l l y
Q. How many elephants can you fit in a mini?
A. Four - two in the front and two in the back.
Q. How many giraffes can you fit in a mini?
A. None! It's full of elephants!
You beat me to that one!

Why is an elephant large, grey, and wrinkled?
Because if it was small, round, and white it would be an aspirin.
Post by a l l y
Oh - more later - must go - I have to attend a pink flash mob conga,
play some music and take some photos. See you later.
ally
You _do_ lead a fun life! I look forward to the photos.
--
J. P. Gilliver. UMRA: 1960/<1985 MB++G()AL-IS-Ch++(p)***@T+H+Sh0!:`)DNAf

I'm the only person who won scholarships to both Eton and Wellington with a
mathematics score of nought. - Christopher Lee (1997).
a l l y
2012-10-14 00:12:28 UTC
Permalink
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
Post by a l l y
Oh - more later - must go - I have to attend a pink flash mob conga, play
some music and take some photos. See you later.
ally
You _do_ lead a fun life! I look forward to the photos.
--
I do my best :-)

Photos here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/allybeag/sets/72157631761380090/

It was a fun little event organised by the Cockermouth Seroptomists to do
with breast cancer awareness. Cockermouth has been all done up in pink all
week, so they decided to finish it off with a conga through the streets ...
as you do. I dropped out of playing to take some pics (there were also 2
accordions and a drum so I wasn't missed) as they went across the zebra
crossing, as the Abbey Road connections were so obvious. Other people were
taking loads more pics, though - I hope there's one somewhere with me in it!

ally
J. P. Gilliver (John)
2012-10-14 09:23:55 UTC
Permalink
In message <***@mid.individual.net>, a l l y
<***@situponTAKETHEDOGGIEOUTseats.co.uk> writes:
[]
Post by a l l y
Photos here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/allybeag/sets/72157631761380090/
It was a fun little event organised by the Cockermouth Seroptomists to
do with breast cancer awareness. Cockermouth has been all done up in
Does it make me sound churlish (or sexist) when I say that, although an
excellent cause, I am getting a little tired of the number of breast
cancer events, as opposed to, say, testicular or prostate? (Or bowel or
liver, which affect women too AFAIK?) Awareness too.
Post by a l l y
pink all week, so they decided to finish it off with a conga through
the streets ... as you do. I dropped out of playing to take some pics
As they do in Cockermouth, anyway! Looks like a fun day.
Post by a l l y
(there were also 2 accordions and a drum so I wasn't missed) as they
went across the zebra crossing, as the Abbey Road connections were so
obvious. Other people were taking loads more pics, though - I hope
there's one somewhere with me in it!
I'm sure there will be!
Post by a l l y
ally
--
J. P. Gilliver. UMRA: 1960/<1985 MB++G()AL-IS-Ch++(p)***@T+H+Sh0!:`)DNAf

`Ergonomic' =/= `dext-handed'.
Dev
2012-10-14 09:34:29 UTC
Permalink
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
[]
Post by a l l y
Photos here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/allybeag/sets/72157631761380090/
It was a fun little event organised by the Cockermouth Seroptomists to
do with breast cancer awareness. Cockermouth has been all done up in
Does it make me sound churlish (or sexist) when I say that, although an
excellent cause, I am getting a little tired of the number of breast
cancer events, as opposed to, say, testicular or prostate? (Or bowel or
liver, which affect women too AFAIK?) Awareness too.
What colour do you suggest people dress in for bowel cancer awareness?
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
Post by a l l y
pink all week, so they decided to finish it off with a conga through
the streets ... as you do. I dropped out of playing to take some pics
As they do in Cockermouth, anyway! Looks like a fun day.
Post by a l l y
(there were also 2 accordions and a drum so I wasn't missed) as they
went across the zebra crossing, as the Abbey Road connections were so
obvious. Other people were taking loads more pics, though - I hope
there's one somewhere with me in it!
I'm sure there will be!
Post by a l l y
ally
--
Dev

Om Namah Shivaya | Om Bhaganetrabhitre namaha
J. P. Gilliver (John)
2012-10-14 10:34:47 UTC
Permalink
[]
Post by Dev
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
Does it make me sound churlish (or sexist) when I say that, although an
excellent cause, I am getting a little tired of the number of breast
cancer events, as opposed to, say, testicular or prostate? (Or bowel or
liver, which affect women too AFAIK?) Awareness too.
What colour do you suggest people dress in for bowel cancer awareness?
Good point - though if the BC people can take over pink (from the gay
people, who took it from ...), ...; but even if brown _was_ the colour
chosen, it could still work! But I'm sure you got my point really (-:.
[]
--
J. P. Gilliver. UMRA: 1960/<1985 MB++G()AL-IS-Ch++(p)***@T+H+Sh0!:`)DNAf

So, Heresy be damned (well, it would be, wouldn't it?).
Radio Times 24-30 July 2010 (page 24)
Kate Brown
2012-10-14 10:01:40 UTC
Permalink
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
[]
Post by a l l y
Photos here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/allybeag/sets/72157631761380090/
It was a fun little event organised by the Cockermouth Seroptomists to
do with breast cancer awareness. Cockermouth has been all done up in
Does it make me sound churlish (or sexist) when I say that, although an
excellent cause, I am getting a little tired of the number of breast
cancer events, as opposed to, say, testicular or prostate? (Or bowel or
liver, which affect women too AFAIK?) Awareness too.
Just wait till next month. I presume you'll be growing a moustache - or
(forgive me, I don't know your current level of hirsuteness) glossing,
primping, and waxing the one you've got?

If that was a whoosh, look here:

http://uk.movember.com/
--
Kate B

PS nospam means nospam. But umra at cockaigne dot org dot uk will get through!
J. P. Gilliver (John)
2012-10-14 10:49:32 UTC
Permalink
Post by Kate Brown
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
[]
Post by a l l y
Photos here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/allybeag/sets/72157631761380090/
It was a fun little event organised by the Cockermouth Seroptomists
to do with breast cancer awareness. Cockermouth has been all done up in
Does it make me sound churlish (or sexist) when I say that, although
an excellent cause, I am getting a little tired of the number of
breast cancer events, as opposed to, say, testicular or prostate? (Or
bowel or liver, which affect women too AFAIK?) Awareness too.
Just wait till next month. I presume you'll be growing a moustache - or
(forgive me, I don't know your current level of hirsuteness) glossing,
primping, and waxing the one you've got?
(Hmm, not sure how well it'd work - see
Loading Image... .)
Post by Kate Brown
http://uk.movember.com/
It was; thanks. That page loads with a blank middle for me, probably
because it relies on something to do with facebook [which I have
blocked] ... oh, it's finally loaded (after about a couple of minutes).
Excellent initiative, though I'm not sure about the chosen method - it
involves rather more input than just choosing to wear pink! And only
doing it for one month of the year too. But at least it's a start!

Does seem to be more about bringing back the moustache, with the good
cause sort of tacked on, though.
--
J. P. Gilliver. UMRA: 1960/<1985 MB++G()AL-IS-Ch++(p)***@T+H+Sh0!:`)DNAf

So, Heresy be damned (well, it would be, wouldn't it?).
Radio Times 24-30 July 2010 (page 24)
Sam Plusnet
2012-10-14 17:40:41 UTC
Permalink
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
Post by Kate Brown
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
[]
Post by a l l y
Photos here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/allybeag/sets/72157631761380090/
It was a fun little event organised by the Cockermouth Seroptomists
to do with breast cancer awareness. Cockermouth has been all done up in
Does it make me sound churlish (or sexist) when I say that, although
an excellent cause, I am getting a little tired of the number of
breast cancer events, as opposed to, say, testicular or prostate? (Or
bowel or liver, which affect women too AFAIK?) Awareness too.
Just wait till next month. I presume you'll be growing a moustache - or
(forgive me, I don't know your current level of hirsuteness) glossing,
primping, and waxing the one you've got?
(Hmm, not sure how well it'd work - see
http://www.soft255.demon.co.uk/images/John_Gilliver.jpg .)
Post by Kate Brown
http://uk.movember.com/
It was; thanks. That page loads with a blank middle for me, probably
because it relies on something to do with facebook [which I have
blocked] ... oh, it's finally loaded (after about a couple of minutes).
Excellent initiative, though I'm not sure about the chosen method - it
involves rather more input than just choosing to wear pink! And only
doing it for one month of the year too. But at least it's a start!
Does seem to be more about bringing back the moustache, with the good
cause sort of tacked on, though.
This is clearly some radical offshoot from the Beard Liberation Front.

Splitters.
--
Sam
J. P. Gilliver (John)
2012-10-14 18:13:24 UTC
Permalink
[]
Post by Sam Plusnet
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
Post by Kate Brown
http://uk.movember.com/
[]
Post by Sam Plusnet
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
Does seem to be more about bringing back the moustache, with the good
cause sort of tacked on, though.
This is clearly some radical offshoot from the Beard Liberation Front.
Splitters.
You thought you were kidding ...

www.nationalbeardregistry.org/ (number 1458 here - though TNMF is the
sort they're _really_ looking for).

[The "nation" in question is, of course, the USA - much like their
"World Series".]
--
J. P. Gilliver. UMRA: 1960/<1985 MB++G()AL-IS-Ch++(p)***@T+H+Sh0!:`)DNAf

"It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it's
the part that I do understand." - Mark Twain
Frederick Williams
2012-10-14 14:04:42 UTC
Permalink
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
Does it make me sound churlish (or sexist) when I say that, although an
excellent cause, I am getting a little tired of the number of breast
cancer events, as opposed to, say, testicular or prostate? (Or bowel or
liver, which affect women too AFAIK?) Awareness too.
Long ago I grew tired of all the attention paid to cancers of all
sorts. There are countless things that people die from, and more people
live with cancer than die from it.

A few years ago it seems that AIDs (or HIV or something) was the disease
we were all supposed to get passionate about, but more people live with
that rather than die from it as well. It seems not to have pushed
cancer from the number one spot.
--
Where are the songs of Summer?--With the sun,
Oping the dusky eyelids of the south,
Till shade and silence waken up as one,
And morning sings with a warm odorous mouth.
Rosemary Miskin
2012-10-14 18:21:24 UTC
Permalink
and more people live with cancer than die from it.
largely, perhaps, because the various 'awareness' campaigns mean people get
symptoms checked out early enough for treatment to be successful.

Rosemary
--
Rosemary Miskin ZFC Sm ***@orpheusmail.co.uk
Loughborough, UK http://miskin.orpheusweb.co.uk
Marjorie
2012-10-16 09:20:06 UTC
Permalink
Post by Rosemary Miskin
and more people live with cancer than die from it.
largely, perhaps, because the various 'awareness' campaigns mean people get
symptoms checked out early enough for treatment to be successful.
Rosemary
But even largelier (?) because people live longer. Cancer is more and
more likely to strike as you get older, but some cancers are
slower-growing and less aggressive in old people.
--
Marjorie

To reply, replace dontusethisaddress with marje
vk
2012-10-14 16:12:10 UTC
Permalink
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
[]
Post by a l l y
http://www.flickr.com/photos/allybeag/sets/72157631761380090/
It was a fun little event organised by the Cockermouth Seroptomists to
do with breast cancer awareness. Cockermouth has been all done up in
Does it make me sound churlish (or sexist) when I say that, although an
excellent cause, I am getting a little tired of the number of breast
cancer events, as opposed to, say, testicular or prostate? (Or bowel or
liver, which affect women too AFAIK?)
Men get breast cancer too.
Robin Fairbairns
2012-10-16 11:27:12 UTC
Permalink
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
Post by a l l y
Photos here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/allybeag/sets/72157631761380090/
It was a fun little event organised by the Cockermouth Seroptomists
to do with breast cancer awareness. Cockermouth has been all done up
in
Does it make me sound churlish (or sexist) when I say that, although
an excellent cause, I am getting a little tired of the number of
breast cancer events, as opposed to, say, testicular or prostate? (Or
bowel or liver, which affect women too AFAIK?) Awareness too.
i don't know about "churlish", but it's obvious that your average woman
has more of a crusading streak than any ten people like me.

(signed) prostate cancer survivor
--
Robin Fairbairns, Cambridge
sorry about all this posting. i'll go back to sleep in a bit.
Jim Easterbrook
2012-10-13 08:45:02 UTC
Permalink
Post by a l l y
Post by Badriya
Appeal for help.
I need jokes for 6 year olds. Maybe 2 or 3 on Mondays and Wednesdays.
What's brown and sticky? A stick
How do you know when if an elephant's been in the fridge? Footprints
in the butter.
Grandson told me one or two and seems towant me to come up with them
regularly and he loves them. If we don't have new ones he tells me
the ones I told him last time and I have to laugh :).
Ah, now these are the only sort of jokes I can remember.
Q. Why did they bury the red-haired man in the corner of the graveyard?
A. Because he was dead.
(That one used to be about a black man, but we can't say that any more,
can we?)
Q. How many elephants can you fit in a mini?
A. Four - two in the front and two in the back.
Q. How many giraffes can you fit in a mini?
A. None! It's full of elephants!
How do you get two whales in a mini?
Straight down the M4.

What's green and hairy and goes up and down?
A gooseberry in a lift.

What's the difference between an elephant and a plum?
Elephants are grey, plums are purple.

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants on the path?
"There are elephants on the path."

What did Jane say when she saw the elephants on the path?
"There are plums on the path." She was colour blind.

What did general de Gaulle say when he saw the elephants on the path?
"Voice les elephants sur le path."

What did the elephants say when they saw general de Gaulle on the path?
Nothing, elephants can't speak French.

Those are fom memory, but I have a book somewhere with a title something
like "1001 jokes for kids" that has a lot more in similar vein.
--
Jim
carolet
2012-10-13 09:37:48 UTC
Permalink
Post by Jim Easterbrook
Post by a l l y
Q. How many elephants can you fit in a mini?
A. Four - two in the front and two in the back.
Q. How many giraffes can you fit in a mini?
A. None! It's full of elephants!
How do you get two whales in a mini?
Straight down the M4.
I known that one as:

How do you get t(w)o w(h)ales in a mini?
Go down the M5 and turn right at the bridge.


Perhaps the punch line should be adjusted depending on where your whales are
likely to be starting from.
But maybe a 6 year old doesn't understand road numbers anyway.
--
CaroleT
Nick Odell
2012-10-13 09:48:10 UTC
Permalink
On Sat, 13 Oct 2012 10:37:48 +0100, "carolet"
Post by carolet
Post by Jim Easterbrook
Post by a l l y
Q. How many elephants can you fit in a mini?
A. Four - two in the front and two in the back.
Q. How many giraffes can you fit in a mini?
A. None! It's full of elephants!
How do you get two whales in a mini?
Straight down the M4.
How do you get t(w)o w(h)ales in a mini?
Go down the M5 and turn right at the bridge.
Perhaps the punch line should be adjusted depending on where your whales are
likely to be starting from.
But maybe a 6 year old doesn't understand road numbers anyway.
I fear that the whole concept will be incomprehensible to a
six-year-old. Surely the answer to a question like this ought to be,
"I don't know: give me the postcode and I'll program it into the
sat-nav."
Badriya
2012-10-13 12:22:34 UTC
Permalink
On Sat, 13 Oct 2012 10:48:10 +0100, Nick Odell
Post by Nick Odell
On Sat, 13 Oct 2012 10:37:48 +0100, "carolet"
Post by carolet
Post by Jim Easterbrook
Post by a l l y
Q. How many elephants can you fit in a mini?
A. Four - two in the front and two in the back.
Q. How many giraffes can you fit in a mini?
A. None! It's full of elephants!
I did those :) And got them back next day as he loved them.
Post by Nick Odell
Post by carolet
Post by Jim Easterbrook
How do you get two whales in a mini?
Straight down the M4.
How do you get t(w)o w(h)ales in a mini?
Go down the M5 and turn right at the bridge.
Perhaps the punch line should be adjusted depending on where your whales are
likely to be starting from.
But maybe a 6 year old doesn't understand road numbers anyway.
I fear that the whole concept will be incomprehensible to a
six-year-old. Surely the answer to a question like this ought to be,
"I don't know: give me the postcode and I'll program it into the
sat-nav."
Those are too old.
carolet
2012-10-13 14:22:53 UTC
Permalink
Post by Badriya
On Sat, 13 Oct 2012 10:48:10 +0100, Nick Odell
Post by Nick Odell
On Sat, 13 Oct 2012 10:37:48 +0100, "carolet"
Post by carolet
Post by Jim Easterbrook
Post by a l l y
Q. How many elephants can you fit in a mini?
A. Four - two in the front and two in the back.
Q. How many giraffes can you fit in a mini?
A. None! It's full of elephants!
I did those :) And got them back next day as he loved them.
Post by Nick Odell
Post by carolet
Post by Jim Easterbrook
How do you get two whales in a mini?
Straight down the M4.
How do you get t(w)o w(h)ales in a mini?
Go down the M5 and turn right at the bridge.
Perhaps the punch line should be adjusted depending on where your
whales are likely to be starting from.
But maybe a 6 year old doesn't understand road numbers anyway.
I fear that the whole concept will be incomprehensible to a
six-year-old. Surely the answer to a question like this ought to be,
"I don't know: give me the postcode and I'll program it into the
sat-nav."
Those are too old.
I'm surprised that you think the two whales in a mini joke is too old, but
were happy with the other animals in minis jokes.

The Wales/whales joke has to follow on from other animals in cars jokes, to
get them into that way of thinking, otherwise the question will just be
taken as request for directions, and the reply is not funny in the
slightest. That being so, the whales in minis joke can bo no older that the
other animals in a mini jokes.
--
CaroleT
Badriya
2012-10-13 17:37:24 UTC
Permalink
On Sat, 13 Oct 2012 15:22:53 +0100, "carolet"
Post by carolet
Post by Badriya
On Sat, 13 Oct 2012 10:48:10 +0100, Nick Odell
Post by Nick Odell
On Sat, 13 Oct 2012 10:37:48 +0100, "carolet"
Post by carolet
Post by Jim Easterbrook
Post by a l l y
Q. How many elephants can you fit in a mini?
A. Four - two in the front and two in the back.
Q. How many giraffes can you fit in a mini?
A. None! It's full of elephants!
I did those :) And got them back next day as he loved them.
Post by Nick Odell
Post by carolet
Post by Jim Easterbrook
How do you get two whales in a mini?
Straight down the M4.
How do you get t(w)o w(h)ales in a mini?
Go down the M5 and turn right at the bridge.
Perhaps the punch line should be adjusted depending on where your
whales are likely to be starting from.
But maybe a 6 year old doesn't understand road numbers anyway.
I fear that the whole concept will be incomprehensible to a
six-year-old. Surely the answer to a question like this ought to be,
"I don't know: give me the postcode and I'll program it into the
sat-nav."
Those are too old.
I'm surprised that you think the two whales in a mini joke is too old, but
were happy with the other animals in minis jokes.
The Wales/whales joke has to follow on from other animals in cars jokes, to
get them into that way of thinking, otherwise the question will just be
taken as request for directions, and the reply is not funny in the
slightest. That being so, the whales in minis joke can bo no older that the
other animals in a mini jokes.
Oh I meant he is too young to get it, not the joke is old :)
DavidK
2012-10-13 18:32:02 UTC
Permalink
Post by Badriya
On Sat, 13 Oct 2012 15:22:53 +0100, "carolet"
Post by carolet
Post by Badriya
On Sat, 13 Oct 2012 10:48:10 +0100, Nick Odell
Post by Nick Odell
On Sat, 13 Oct 2012 10:37:48 +0100, "carolet"
Post by carolet
Post by Jim Easterbrook
Post by a l l y
Q. How many elephants can you fit in a mini?
A. Four - two in the front and two in the back.
Q. How many giraffes can you fit in a mini?
A. None! It's full of elephants!
I did those :) And got them back next day as he loved them.
Post by Nick Odell
Post by carolet
Post by Jim Easterbrook
How do you get two whales in a mini?
Straight down the M4.
How do you get t(w)o w(h)ales in a mini?
Go down the M5 and turn right at the bridge.
Perhaps the punch line should be adjusted depending on where your
whales are likely to be starting from.
But maybe a 6 year old doesn't understand road numbers anyway.
I fear that the whole concept will be incomprehensible to a
six-year-old. Surely the answer to a question like this ought to be,
"I don't know: give me the postcode and I'll program it into the
sat-nav."
Those are too old.
I'm surprised that you think the two whales in a mini joke is too old, but
were happy with the other animals in minis jokes.
The Wales/whales joke has to follow on from other animals in cars jokes, to
get them into that way of thinking, otherwise the question will just be
taken as request for directions, and the reply is not funny in the
slightest. That being so, the whales in minis joke can bo no older that the
other animals in a mini jokes.
Oh I meant he is too young to get it, not the joke is old :)
Oh, I thought you were suggesting that sat-nav was passé and what had
replaced it.
Jenny M Benson
2012-10-16 11:10:51 UTC
Permalink
Post by DavidK
Oh, I thought you were suggesting that sat-nav was passé and what had
replaced it.
It probably won't be too long before

What's the difference between a dustbin and a pillar-box?
I don't know.
I won't send you to post a letter, then.

becomes incomprehensible to a generation who know nothing of "letters".
--
Jenny M Benson
carolet
2012-10-15 10:01:13 UTC
Permalink
Post by Badriya
On Sat, 13 Oct 2012 15:22:53 +0100, "carolet"
Post by carolet
Post by Badriya
On Sat, 13 Oct 2012 10:48:10 +0100, Nick Odell
Post by Nick Odell
On Sat, 13 Oct 2012 10:37:48 +0100, "carolet"
Post by carolet
Post by Jim Easterbrook
Post by a l l y
Q. How many elephants can you fit in a mini?
A. Four - two in the front and two in the back.
Q. How many giraffes can you fit in a mini?
A. None! It's full of elephants!
I did those :) And got them back next day as he loved them.
Post by Nick Odell
Post by carolet
Post by Jim Easterbrook
How do you get two whales in a mini?
Straight down the M4.
How do you get t(w)o w(h)ales in a mini?
Go down the M5 and turn right at the bridge.
Perhaps the punch line should be adjusted depending on where your
whales are likely to be starting from.
But maybe a 6 year old doesn't understand road numbers anyway.
I fear that the whole concept will be incomprehensible to a
six-year-old. Surely the answer to a question like this ought to
be, "I don't know: give me the postcode and I'll program it into
the sat-nav."
Those are too old.
I'm surprised that you think the two whales in a mini joke is too
old, but were happy with the other animals in minis jokes.
The Wales/whales joke has to follow on from other animals in cars
jokes, to get them into that way of thinking, otherwise the question
will just be taken as request for directions, and the reply is not
funny in the slightest. That being so, the whales in minis joke can
bo no older that the other animals in a mini jokes.
Oh I meant he is too young to get it, not the joke is old :)
Ah, yes, of course you did. Silly me.
--
CaroleT
Anne Burgess
2012-10-14 09:16:27 UTC
Permalink
Post by carolet
The Wales/whales joke has to follow on from other animals in
cars jokes, to get them into that way of thinking, otherwise
the question will just be taken as request for directions, and
the reply is not funny in the slightest. That being so, the
whales in minis joke can bo no older that the other animals in
a mini jokes.
CaroleT
I didn't even get the Wales/whales until you explained it. They
sound different in Scotland - the 'h' is pronounced. So don't
try it on Scottish 6-year-olds (or any other-year-olds) - all
you'll get will be blank
looks!

Anne B
J. P. Gilliver (John)
2012-10-14 09:26:03 UTC
Permalink
Post by Anne Burgess
Post by carolet
The Wales/whales joke has to follow on from other animals in
cars jokes, to get them into that way of thinking, otherwise
the question will just be taken as request for directions, and
the reply is not funny in the slightest. That being so, the
whales in minis joke can bo no older that the other animals in
a mini jokes.
CaroleT
I didn't even get the Wales/whales until you explained it. They
sound different in Scotland - the 'h' is pronounced. So don't
try it on Scottish 6-year-olds (or any other-year-olds) - all
you'll get will be blank
looks!
Anne B
I had a primary school teacher who pronounced the h in, I think,
anything starting wh- - what, where, and so on (though not who). It
always seemed odd to me, especially as (as I suppose you do) it was
pronounced reversed, i. e. hw-.
--
J. P. Gilliver. UMRA: 1960/<1985 MB++G()AL-IS-Ch++(p)***@T+H+Sh0!:`)DNAf

`Ergonomic' =/= `dext-handed'.
Frederick Williams
2012-10-14 14:07:55 UTC
Permalink
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
I had a primary school teacher who pronounced the h in, I think,
anything starting wh- - what, where, and so on (though not who). It
always seemed odd to me, especially as (as I suppose you do) it was
pronounced reversed, i. e. hw-.
Like Humph and his whooping cough.
--
Where are the songs of Summer?--With the sun,
Oping the dusky eyelids of the south,
Till shade and silence waken up as one,
And morning sings with a warm odorous mouth.
Nick Leverton
2012-10-14 14:18:26 UTC
Permalink
Post by Frederick Williams
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
I had a primary school teacher who pronounced the h in, I think,
anything starting wh- - what, where, and so on (though not who). It
always seemed odd to me, especially as (as I suppose you do) it was
pronounced reversed, i. e. hw-.
Like Humph and his whooping cough.
I always thought that was a swannee hwistle.

Nick
--
"The Internet, a sort of ersatz counterfeit of real life"
-- Janet Street-Porter, BBC2, 19th March 1996
Anne Burgess
2012-10-14 19:05:14 UTC
Permalink
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
I had a primary school teacher who pronounced the h in, I
think, anything starting wh- - what, where, and so on (though
not who). It always seemed odd to me, especially as (as I
suppose you do) it was pronounced reversed, i. e. hw-.
J. P. Gilliver.
Yes. It always sounds weird to me to hear people talking about
watt, wear, witch, wail, wen, wine, wight, wop, wye and so on
instead of hwot, hwere, hwich, hwale, hwen, hwine, hwite, hwop,
hwy etc.

Anne B
J. P. Gilliver (John)
2012-10-14 19:13:54 UTC
Permalink
Post by Anne Burgess
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
I had a primary school teacher who pronounced the h in, I
think, anything starting wh- - what, where, and so on (though
not who). It always seemed odd to me, especially as (as I
suppose you do) it was pronounced reversed, i. e. hw-.
J. P. Gilliver.
Yes. It always sounds weird to me to hear people talking about
watt, wear, witch, wail, wen, wine, wight, wop, wye and so on
instead of hwot, hwere, hwich, hwale, hwen, hwine, hwite, hwop,
hwy etc.
Anne B
Hwy don't you say hwoo, though?
--
J. P. Gilliver. UMRA: 1960/<1985 MB++G()AL-IS-Ch++(p)***@T+H+Sh0!:`)DNAf

Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
Marjorie
2012-10-15 08:47:59 UTC
Permalink
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
Post by Anne Burgess
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
I had a primary school teacher who pronounced the h in, I
think, anything starting wh- - what, where, and so on (though
not who). It always seemed odd to me, especially as (as I
suppose you do) it was pronounced reversed, i. e. hw-.
J. P. Gilliver.
Yes. It always sounds weird to me to hear people talking about
watt, wear, witch, wail, wen, wine, wight, wop, wye and so on
instead of hwot, hwere, hwich, hwale, hwen, hwine, hwite, hwop,
hwy etc.
Anne B
Hwy don't you say hwoo, though?
Hwy don't you say woo?
--
Marjorie

To reply, replace dontusethisaddress with marje
Jenny M Benson
2012-10-15 09:25:36 UTC
Permalink
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
Post by Anne Burgess
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
I had a primary school teacher who pronounced the h in, I
think, anything starting wh- - what, where, and so on (though
not who). It always seemed odd to me, especially as (as I
suppose you do) it was pronounced reversed, i. e. hw-.
J. P. Gilliver.
Yes. It always sounds weird to me to hear people talking about
watt, wear, witch, wail, wen, wine, wight, wop, wye and so on
instead of hwot, hwere, hwich, hwale, hwen, hwine, hwite, hwop,
hwy etc.
Anne B
Hwy don't you say hwoo, though?
"Who" is different to all the others, though, isn't it. No one (AFAIK)
says "woo", it is the aitch which is pronounced and the double-u
dropped. With the other words it's vice versa.
--
Jenny
Anne Burgess
2012-10-15 09:22:18 UTC
Permalink
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
Post by Anne Burgess
Yes. It always sounds weird to me to hear people talking about
watt, wear, witch, wail, wen, wine, wight, wop, wye and so on
instead of hwot, hwere, hwich, hwale, hwen, hwine, hwite,
hwop,
hwy etc.
Anne B
Hwy don't you say hwoo, though?
J. P. Gilliver.
Probably for reasons similar to those that make you say hoo
rather than woo. And hole rather than wole.

Anne B
Robin Fairbairns
2012-10-16 11:47:13 UTC
Permalink
Post by Anne Burgess
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
Post by Anne Burgess
Yes. It always sounds weird to me to hear people talking about
watt, wear, witch, wail, wen, wine, wight, wop, wye and so on
instead of hwot, hwere, hwich, hwale, hwen, hwine, hwite,
hwop,
hwy etc.
Anne B
Hwy don't you say hwoo, though?
J. P. Gilliver.
Probably for reasons similar to those that make you say hoo
rather than woo. And hole rather than wole.
owls pronounce it woo. they do the same non-standard thing with whit.
--
Robin Fairbairns, Cambridge
sorry about all this posting. i'll go back to sleep in a bit.
Frederick Williams
2012-10-16 13:48:22 UTC
Permalink
Post by Robin Fairbairns
owls pronounce it woo. they do the same non-standard thing with whit.
Owls are very amorous. They only have one aim in life, to wit to woo.
--
Where are the songs of Summer?--With the sun,
Oping the dusky eyelids of the south,
Till shade and silence waken up as one,
And morning sings with a warm odorous mouth.
Dev
2012-10-14 09:36:41 UTC
Permalink
Post by Anne Burgess
Post by carolet
The Wales/whales joke has to follow on from other animals in
cars jokes, to get them into that way of thinking, otherwise
the question will just be taken as request for directions, and
the reply is not funny in the slightest. That being so, the
whales in minis joke can bo no older that the other animals in
a mini jokes.
CaroleT
I didn't even get the Wales/whales until you explained it. They
sound different in Scotland - the 'h' is pronounced. So don't
try it on Scottish 6-year-olds (or any other-year-olds) - all
you'll get will be blank
looks!
And in various parts of the UK, 'two' is not a homophone of 'to'.
--
Dev

Om Namah Shivaya | Om Somaya namaha
a l l y
2012-10-14 12:47:46 UTC
Permalink
Post by Anne Burgess
Post by carolet
The Wales/whales joke has to follow on from other animals in
cars jokes, to get them into that way of thinking, otherwise
the question will just be taken as request for directions, and
the reply is not funny in the slightest. That being so, the
whales in minis joke can bo no older that the other animals in
a mini jokes.
CaroleT
I didn't even get the Wales/whales until you explained it. They
sound different in Scotland - the 'h' is pronounced. So don't
try it on Scottish 6-year-olds (or any other-year-olds) - all you'll get
will be blank
looks!
There were an awful lot of these things that were meaningless to me until I
came to live south of the border.

ally
Robin Fairbairns
2012-10-16 11:38:46 UTC
Permalink
Post by Badriya
On Sat, 13 Oct 2012 10:48:10 +0100, Nick Odell
Post by Nick Odell
On Sat, 13 Oct 2012 10:37:48 +0100, "carolet"
Post by carolet
Post by Jim Easterbrook
Post by a l l y
Q. How many elephants can you fit in a mini?
A. Four - two in the front and two in the back.
Q. How many giraffes can you fit in a mini?
A. None! It's full of elephants!
I did those :) And got them back next day as he loved them.
Post by Nick Odell
Post by carolet
Post by Jim Easterbrook
How do you get two whales in a mini?
Straight down the M4.
How do you get t(w)o w(h)ales in a mini?
Go down the M5 and turn right at the bridge.
Perhaps the punch line should be adjusted depending on where your
whales are likely to be starting from. But maybe a 6 year old doesn't
understand road numbers anyway.
I fear that the whole concept will be incomprehensible to a
six-year-old. Surely the answer to a question like this ought to be,
"I don't know: give me the postcode and I'll program it into the
sat-nav."
Those are too old.
what are? the "jokes" or the children.

i have a half-recollection of one about elephants swimming upside-down
in my custard. unfortunately the missing half contains the punchline.

why do elephants paint their toenails red?
so they can hide in cherry trees when the poachers come.

(i just made that up. you can tell, can't you?)
--
Robin Fairbairns, Cambridge
sorry about all this posting. i'll go back to sleep in a bit.
Frederick Williams
2012-10-16 11:44:50 UTC
Permalink
Post by Robin Fairbairns
why do elephants paint their toenails red?
so they can hide in cherry trees when the poachers come.
You'd need a huge saucepan to poach an elephant, not to mention a huge
appetite to want to poach one.
--
Where are the songs of Summer?--With the sun,
Oping the dusky eyelids of the south,
Till shade and silence waken up as one,
And morning sings with a warm odorous mouth.
the Omrud
2012-10-16 12:05:26 UTC
Permalink
Post by Robin Fairbairns
i have a half-recollection of one about elephants swimming upside-down
in my custard. unfortunately the missing half contains the punchline.
- Why do elephants paint the bottom of their feet yellow?
- So they can hide upside down in custard.
--
David
Badriya
2012-10-16 12:10:28 UTC
Permalink
On Tue, 16 Oct 2012 12:38:46 +0100, Robin Fairbairns
Post by Robin Fairbairns
Post by Badriya
On Sat, 13 Oct 2012 10:48:10 +0100, Nick Odell
Post by Nick Odell
Post by carolet
Post by Jim Easterbrook
How do you get two whales in a mini?
Straight down the M4.
How do you get t(w)o w(h)ales in a mini?
Go down the M5 and turn right at the bridge.
Perhaps the punch line should be adjusted depending on where your
whales are likely to be starting from. But maybe a 6 year old doesn't
understand road numbers anyway.
I fear that the whole concept will be incomprehensible to a
six-year-old. Surely the answer to a question like this ought to be,
"I don't know: give me the postcode and I'll program it into the
sat-nav."
Those are too old.
what are? the "jokes" or the children.
The jokes are for older people
Post by Robin Fairbairns
i have a half-recollection of one about elephants swimming upside-down
in my custard. unfortunately the missing half contains the punchline.
why do elephants paint their toenails red?
so they can hide in cherry trees when the poachers come.
(i just made that up. you can tell, can't you?)
That's a good one without the poachers. Just hide in cherry trees will
do, thanks.

I copied out a few but forgot to take them with me yesterday. I rang
home for them and B was able to read my writing enough to tell me a
couple, which grandson loved, but I had to explain a bit. The missing
dogs and leads was just out of his reach. I saw the whoosh and
explained.
a l l y
2012-10-14 00:14:52 UTC
Permalink
Post by carolet
How do you get t(w)o w(h)ales in a mini?
Go down the M5 and turn right at the bridge.
Perhaps the punch line should be adjusted depending on where your whales
are likely to be starting from.
But maybe a 6 year old doesn't understand road numbers anyway.
I wouldn't have understood that one at all as a kid, as in Scotland we
pronouce "Whales" and "Wales" quite differently. I'd have been happy to look
up the roads on a map, but I'd not have got the joke.

ally
Dr Nick
2012-10-13 08:36:31 UTC
Permalink
Post by Badriya
Appeal for help.
I need jokes for 6 year olds. Maybe 2 or 3 on Mondays and Wednesdays.
You know the sort of thing: What's brown and sticky? A stick How do
you know when if an elephant's been in the fridge? Footprints in the
butter.
Grandson told me one or two and seems towant me to come up with them
regularly and he loves them. If we don't have new ones he tells me
the ones I told him last time and I have to laugh :).
Knock-knock jokes, in particular the interrupting cow one.
the Omrud
2012-10-13 08:51:48 UTC
Permalink
Post by Badriya
Appeal for help.
I need jokes for 6 year olds. Maybe 2 or 3 on Mondays and Wednesdays.
What's brown and sticky? A stick
How do you know when if an elephant's been in the fridge? Footprints
in the butter.
Grandson told me one or two and seems towant me to come up with them
regularly and he loves them. If we don't have new ones he tells me
the ones I told him last time and I have to laugh :).
- What lies at the bottom of the sea, hitting out at passing fish?
- Codswallop.

- What lies at the bottom of the sea, shivering?
- A nervous wreck.

- Where does a gorilla with a machine gun sit?
- Wherever it wants.

- What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun?
- Sir.

- How do you get down from an oak tree?
- You don't get down from an oak tree, you get down from a duck.

- How does an elephant hide in a cherry tree?
- Paints its toenails red.

- How does an elephant get up an oak tree?
- Sits on an acorn and waits for Spring

- How does an elephant get down from an oak tree?
- Sits on a leaf and waits for Autumn.

Hmmm, they all seem to contain animals.
--
David
DavidK
2012-10-13 09:03:08 UTC
Permalink
Post by the Omrud
Post by Badriya
Appeal for help.
I need jokes for 6 year olds. Maybe 2 or 3 on Mondays and Wednesdays.
What's brown and sticky? A stick
How do you know when if an elephant's been in the fridge? Footprints
in the butter.
Grandson told me one or two and seems towant me to come up with them
regularly and he loves them. If we don't have new ones he tells me
the ones I told him last time and I have to laugh :).
- What lies at the bottom of the sea, hitting out at passing fish?
- Codswallop.
- What lies at the bottom of the sea, shivering?
- A nervous wreck.
- Where does a gorilla with a machine gun sit?
- Wherever it wants.
- What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun?
- Sir.
- How do you get down from an oak tree?
- You don't get down from an oak tree, you get down from a duck.
- How does an elephant hide in a cherry tree?
- Paints its toenails red.
- How does an elephant get up an oak tree?
- Sits on an acorn and waits for Spring
- How does an elephant get down from an oak tree?
- Sits on a leaf and waits for Autumn.
Hmmm, they all seem to contain animals.
- What's yellow and dangerous?
- shark infested custard

- why do ducks have webbed feet?
- to stamp out forest fires

- why do elephants have flat feet
- to stamp out flaming ducks
J. P. Gilliver (John)
2012-10-13 09:16:22 UTC
Permalink
[]
Post by DavidK
Post by the Omrud
- Where does a gorilla with a machine gun sit?
- Wherever it wants.
- What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun?
- Sir.
"Hey, do you know you have some jelly in one ear and custard in the
other?"
"Could you repeat that? I'm a trifle deaf." (May be above the age range
- use of trifle in that way.)
Post by DavidK
Post by the Omrud
- How do you get down from an oak tree?
- You don't get down from an oak tree, you get down from a duck.
[]
Post by DavidK
Post by the Omrud
- How does an elephant get down from an oak tree?
- Sits on a leaf and waits for Autumn.
That one works better in American.
[]
Post by DavidK
- why do ducks have webbed feet?
- to stamp out forest fires
- why do elephants have flat feet
- to stamp out flaming ducks
GOL - guffawed! I hadn't heard that one before. Still chucking.
--
J. P. Gilliver. UMRA: 1960/<1985 MB++G()AL-IS-Ch++(p)***@T+H+Sh0!:`)DNAf

... so cracking a joke would be like farting in the Sistine Chapel. - Alison
Graham, Radio Times 29 January-4 February 2011
Rosalind Mitchell
2012-10-13 11:01:20 UTC
Permalink
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
Post by the Omrud
- How does an elephant get down from an oak tree?
- Sits on a leaf and waits for Autumn.
That one works better in American.
[]
A pedant (DINTAFPOU?) writes:

It might also be a long wait, since the great majority of oak species are
evergreen. The native sessile oak of our northern and western woods and the
incomer pedunculate oak of the Conservative Party logo being very much the
exception.

Roskn
Dr Nick
2012-10-13 11:08:07 UTC
Permalink
Post by Rosalind Mitchell
- How does an elephant get down from an oak tree? - Sits on a
leaf and waits for Autumn.
That one works better in American. []
It might also be a long wait, since the great majority of oak species
are evergreen. The native sessile oak of our northern and western
woods and the incomer pedunculate oak of the Conservative Party logo
being very much the exception.
And that's today's think you learn every day. Ta!

I knew that, say, the Holm Oak, was evergreen, but hadn't realised that
this was the default position.

What that suggests to my aged genetics brain is that evergreen/deciduous
is easily turned on or off by a simple switch: I can't believe that
those two outliers evolved the whole thing from scratch, each.
Robin Fairbairns
2012-10-16 11:59:18 UTC
Permalink
Post by Dr Nick
Post by Rosalind Mitchell
- How does an elephant get down from an oak tree? - Sits on a
leaf and waits for Autumn.
That one works better in American. []
It might also be a long wait, since the great majority of oak species
are evergreen. The native sessile oak of our northern and western
woods and the incomer pedunculate oak of the Conservative Party logo
being very much the exception.
And that's today's think you learn every day. Ta!
I knew that, say, the Holm Oak, was evergreen, but hadn't realised that
this was the default position.
aiui, the holm oak isn't. it's a mediterranean invader (having got here
in boxes sent back by "young gentlemen" on their grand tours, or
something). it has "acorns", though.

mind you, the people who told me this (at holkham hall, which has lots
of holm oaks) seem not to have looked the things up on the web (which
among other things tells me that it's _quercus_ species).
Post by Dr Nick
What that suggests to my aged genetics brain is that evergreen/deciduous
is easily turned on or off by a simple switch: I can't believe that
those two outliers evolved the whole thing from scratch, each.
is a "genetics brain" one you've inherited from your parents? i've got
one of those, too, but i can't do crosswords, like my dad (now decd: i
couldn't do 'em when he was alive, either).
--
Robin Fairbairns, Cambridge
sorry about all this posting. i'll go back to sleep in a bit.
Badriya
2012-10-13 13:21:58 UTC
Permalink
Post by the Omrud
How do you get down from an oak tree?
- You don't get down from an oak tree, you get down from a duck.
I never got that one before! Heard before but just got it.
Dr Nick
2012-10-13 14:35:45 UTC
Permalink
Post by Badriya
Post by the Omrud
How do you get down from an oak tree?
- You don't get down from an oak tree, you get down from a duck.
I never got that one before! Heard before but just got it.
I always knew it as "down from an elephant". I told it about 3 days ago
at work!
the Omrud
2012-10-13 15:20:40 UTC
Permalink
Post by Dr Nick
Post by Badriya
Post by the Omrud
How do you get down from an oak tree?
- You don't get down from an oak tree, you get down from a duck.
I never got that one before! Heard before but just got it.
I always knew it as "down from an elephant". I told it about 3 days ago
at work!
But, but, why would you be up an elephant? Unless you're a member of
the Raj. Whereas being up an oak tree sounds like normal behaviour for
a child, at least in my time.
--
David
Frederick Williams
2012-10-13 16:40:37 UTC
Permalink
Post by the Omrud
But, but, why would you be up an elephant? Unless you're a member of
the Raj. Whereas being up an oak tree sounds like normal behaviour for
a child, at least in my time.
Round where I lived there were two gangs: those who climbed oak trees in
order to mount elephants, and those who mounted elephants in order to
climb oak trees. If you weren't a member of one gang or the other,
you'd be picked on by both. Ah, happy days.
--
Where are the songs of Summer?--With the sun,
Oping the dusky eyelids of the south,
Till shade and silence waken up as one,
And morning sings with a warm odorous mouth.
Sam Plusnet
2012-10-13 18:35:10 UTC
Permalink
In article <NFfes.292727$***@fx23.am4>, ***@gmail.com
says...
Post by the Omrud
Post by Dr Nick
Post by Badriya
Post by the Omrud
How do you get down from an oak tree?
- You don't get down from an oak tree, you get down from a duck.
I never got that one before! Heard before but just got it.
I always knew it as "down from an elephant". I told it about 3 days ago
at work!
But, but, why would you be up an elephant? Unless you're a member of
the Raj. Whereas being up an oak tree sounds like normal behaviour for
a child, at least in my time.
Ask Ally.

She's always wanted a ride on a Heffalump.
--
Sam
a l l y
2012-10-14 00:26:31 UTC
Permalink
Post by Sam Plusnet
says...
Post by the Omrud
But, but, why would you be up an elephant? Unless you're a member of
the Raj. Whereas being up an oak tree sounds like normal behaviour for
Post by the Omrud
a child, at least in my time.
Ask Ally.
She's always wanted a ride on a Heffalump.
You have a good memory! Of course, if I /was/ up an elephant, I wouldn't be
in any hurry to get down, as I've been trying to get on to an elephant most
of my life, so I'd make sure I stayed on it for as long as possible if the
opportunity were to arise.

ally
Dev
2012-10-14 09:38:18 UTC
Permalink
Post by a l l y
Post by Sam Plusnet
Post by the Omrud
But, but, why would you be up an elephant? Unless you're a member of
the Raj. Whereas being up an oak tree sounds like normal behaviour for
Post by the Omrud
a child, at least in my time.
Ask Ally.
She's always wanted a ride on a Heffalump.
You have a good memory! Of course, if I /was/ up an elephant, I wouldn't
be in any hurry to get down, as I've been trying to get on to an
elephant most of my life, so I'd make sure I stayed on it for as long as
possible if the opportunity were to arise.
Unless the elephant was heading for a low bridge...
--
Dev

Om Namah Shivaya | Om Shashwataya namaha
Sam Plusnet
2012-10-14 17:32:40 UTC
Permalink
Post by a l l y
Post by Sam Plusnet
says...
Post by the Omrud
But, but, why would you be up an elephant? Unless you're a member of
the Raj. Whereas being up an oak tree sounds like normal behaviour for
Post by the Omrud
a child, at least in my time.
Ask Ally.
She's always wanted a ride on a Heffalump.
You have a good memory! Of course, if I /was/ up an elephant, I wouldn't be
in any hurry to get down, as I've been trying to get on to an elephant most
of my life, so I'd make sure I stayed on it for as long as possible if the
opportunity were to arise.
Next time you see an elephant - stick out your thumb.

As Mr Pratchet would say, it's a million to one shot... but it just
might work.
--
Sam
a l l y
2012-10-15 07:39:22 UTC
Permalink
Post by Sam Plusnet
Post by a l l y
You have a good memory! Of course, if I /was/ up an elephant, I wouldn't be
in any hurry to get down, as I've been trying to get on to an elephant most
of my life, so I'd make sure I stayed on it for as long as possible if the
opportunity were to arise.
Next time you see an elephant - stick out your thumb.
As Mr Pratchet would say, it's a million to one shot... but it just
might work.
Oh I would, but you don't get many elephants wandering around rural Cumbria
unfortunately. Can't remember the last time I saw one in the flesh, :-(

ally
Badriya
2012-10-15 08:36:14 UTC
Permalink
On Mon, 15 Oct 2012 08:39:22 +0100, "a l l y"
Post by a l l y
Post by Sam Plusnet
Post by a l l y
You have a good memory! Of course, if I /was/ up an elephant, I wouldn't be
in any hurry to get down, as I've been trying to get on to an elephant most
of my life, so I'd make sure I stayed on it for as long as possible if the
opportunity were to arise.
Next time you see an elephant - stick out your thumb.
As Mr Pratchet would say, it's a million to one shot... but it just
might work.
Oh I would, but you don't get many elephants wandering around rural Cumbria
unfortunately. Can't remember the last time I saw one in the flesh, :-(
ally
You used to be able to ride them at London zoo but I can't recall
seeing those rides for ages now. I think I rode on one as a child.
The rides were like this
http://www.zsl.org/zsl-london-zoo/news/a-right-royal-menagerie,957,NS.html

You might enjoy this instead
http://www.zsl.org/zsl-whipsnade-zoo/news/day-in-the-life-of-an-elephant-keeper,95,NS.html

or this
http://www.zsl.org/shop/zsl-special-offers/zsl-ride-on-elephant/ :)
Nick Odell
2012-10-15 08:57:30 UTC
Permalink
Post by Badriya
On Mon, 15 Oct 2012 08:39:22 +0100, "a l l y"
<snip>
Post by Badriya
Post by a l l y
Oh I would, but you don't get many elephants wandering around rural Cumbria
unfortunately. Can't remember the last time I saw one in the flesh, :-(
That's probably because they are hiding up cherry trees with their
toe-nails painted red. You are just not looking in the right place.
Post by Badriya
You used to be able to ride them at London zoo but I can't recall
seeing those rides for ages now. I think I rode on one as a child.
The rides were like this
I have memories of elephant rides and camel rides at Chessington Zoo
in the '50s.

Nick
Jenny M Benson
2012-10-15 09:32:08 UTC
Permalink
Post by Nick Odell
<snip>
Post by Badriya
Post by a l l y
Oh I would, but you don't get many elephants wandering around rural Cumbria
unfortunately. Can't remember the last time I saw one in the flesh,:-(
That's probably because they are hiding up cherry trees with their
toe-nails painted red. You are just not looking in the right place.
Post by Badriya
You used to be able to ride them at London zoo but I can't recall
seeing those rides for ages now. I think I rode on one as a child.
The rides were like this
I have memories of elephant rides and camel rides at Chessington Zoo
in the '50s.
My great aunt took me and some cousins to London Zoo when I was 8 and we
queued up for a camel ride (the cousins and I, not Great Aunt!) "Just
one more" said the Keeper and grabbed me and put me on the neck of the
camel and off we went. Great Aunt was cross with me for getting
separated from the cousins, but it wasn't my fault. (59 years ago and
it still rankles!)
carolet
2012-10-15 10:15:09 UTC
Permalink
Post by Jenny M Benson
Post by Nick Odell
<snip>
Post by Badriya
Post by a l l y
Oh I would, but you don't get many elephants wandering around
rural Cumbria unfortunately. Can't remember the last time I saw
one in the flesh,:-(
That's probably because they are hiding up cherry trees with their
toe-nails painted red. You are just not looking in the right place.
Post by Badriya
You used to be able to ride them at London zoo but I can't recall
seeing those rides for ages now. I think I rode on one as a child.
The rides were like this
I have memories of elephant rides and camel rides at Chessington Zoo
in the '50s.
My great aunt took me and some cousins to London Zoo when I was 8 and
we queued up for a camel ride (the cousins and I, not Great Aunt!) "Just
one more" said the Keeper and grabbed me and put me on the neck
of the camel and off we went. Great Aunt was cross with me for
getting separated from the cousins, but it wasn't my fault. (59
years ago and it still rankles!)
There is a photo somewhere of me, my sister and our grandmother sitting on
an elephant in London Zoo. Now that I think about it, it was a little
surprising that she came on it with us, she must have been about 70 at the
time.
--
CaroleT
Frederick Williams
2012-10-16 11:34:02 UTC
Permalink
Post by carolet
There is a photo somewhere of me, my sister and our grandmother sitting on
an elephant in London Zoo. Now that I think about it, it was a little
surprising that she came on it with us, she must have been about 70 at the
time.
Did she ride side-saddle? Did her lorgnette glint in the Autumn
sunlight?
--
Where are the songs of Summer?--With the sun,
Oping the dusky eyelids of the south,
Till shade and silence waken up as one,
And morning sings with a warm odorous mouth.
J. P. Gilliver (John)
2012-10-15 19:42:18 UTC
Permalink
In message <***@4ax.com>, Badriya
<***@gmail.com> writes:
[]
Post by Badriya
You might enjoy this instead
http://www.zsl.org/zsl-whipsnade-zoo/news/day-in-the-life-of-an-elephant
-keeper,95,NS.html
I did, anyway. Though a bit startled at "Using a wire brush and soapy
water we scrub each elephant from top to toe making sure we don't miss
any areas. With one side scrubbed and rinsed, the elephant stands up and
then lays down ready for the other side to be cleaned. Cleaning the
elephant's everyday is really important to remove dirt and dead skin."

_Any_ areas? I imagine some of the elephants like that ... and I
wondered if "everyday" was a euphemism ...
Post by Badriya
or this
http://www.zsl.org/shop/zsl-special-offers/zsl-ride-on-elephant/ :)
(-:
--
J. P. Gilliver. UMRA: 1960/<1985 MB++G()AL-IS-Ch++(p)***@T+H+Sh0!:`)DNAf

Hofstadter's Law:
It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into
account.
Dr Nick
2012-10-16 06:03:40 UTC
Permalink
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
Post by Badriya
You might enjoy this instead
http://www.zsl.org/zsl-whipsnade-zoo/news/day-in-the-life-of-an-elephant
-keeper,95,NS.html
I did, anyway. Though a bit startled at "Using a wire brush and soapy
water we scrub each elephant from top to toe making sure we don't miss
any areas. With one side scrubbed and rinsed, the elephant stands up
and then lays down ready for the other side to be cleaned. Cleaning
the elephant's everyday is really important to remove dirt and dead
skin."
_Any_ areas? I imagine some of the elephants like that ... and I
wondered if "everyday" was a euphemism ...
I couldn't have got past "lays down" without exploding.
a l l y
2012-10-16 09:30:51 UTC
Permalink
Post by Dr Nick
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
Post by Badriya
You might enjoy this instead
http://www.zsl.org/zsl-whipsnade-zoo/news/day-in-the-life-of-an-elephant
-keeper,95,NS.html
I did, anyway. Though a bit startled at "Using a wire brush and soapy
water we scrub each elephant from top to toe making sure we don't miss
any areas. With one side scrubbed and rinsed, the elephant stands up
and then lays down ready for the other side to be cleaned. Cleaning
the elephant's everyday is really important to remove dirt and dead
skin."
_Any_ areas? I imagine some of the elephants like that ... and I
wondered if "everyday" was a euphemism ...
Me too! :-)
Post by Dr Nick
I couldn't have got past "lays down" without exploding.
When I saw that I assumed it was an American zoo, but it's Whipsnade, which
is in England isn't it? But ... hey ... you don't need to have A-level
English to be a good mahout.

ally
Frederick Williams
2012-10-16 11:39:40 UTC
Permalink
Post by Dr Nick
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
Post by Badriya
You might enjoy this instead
http://www.zsl.org/zsl-whipsnade-zoo/news/day-in-the-life-of-an-elephant
-keeper,95,NS.html
I did, anyway. Though a bit startled at "Using a wire brush and soapy
water we scrub each elephant from top to toe making sure we don't miss
any areas. With one side scrubbed and rinsed, the elephant stands up
and then lays down ready for the other side to be cleaned. Cleaning
the elephant's everyday is really important to remove dirt and dead
skin."
_Any_ areas? I imagine some of the elephants like that ... and I
wondered if "everyday" was a euphemism ...
I couldn't have got past "lays down" without exploding.
But nobody's going to scrub you with a wire brush are they?
--
Where are the songs of Summer?--With the sun,
Oping the dusky eyelids of the south,
Till shade and silence waken up as one,
And morning sings with a warm odorous mouth.
Sid Nuncius
2012-10-13 09:02:09 UTC
Permalink
Post by Badriya
Appeal for help.
I need jokes for 6 year olds. Maybe 2 or 3 on Mondays and Wednesdays.
What's brown and sticky? A stick
How do you know when if an elephant's been in the fridge? Footprints
in the butter.
Grandson told me one or two and seems towant me to come up with them
regularly and he loves them. If we don't have new ones he tells me
the ones I told him last time and I have to laugh :).
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because the chicken hadn't been invented.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Olive
Olive who?
Olive here so let me in.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ivor
Ivor who?
Ivor you let me in through the door or I'm coming in through the window.
--
Sid (Make sure Matron is away when you reply)
Marjorie
2012-10-13 09:14:29 UTC
Permalink
Post by Badriya
Appeal for help.
I need jokes for 6 year olds. Maybe 2 or 3 on Mondays and Wednesdays.
What's brown and sticky? A stick
How do you know when if an elephant's been in the fridge? Footprints
in the butter.
Grandson told me one or two and seems towant me to come up with them
regularly and he loves them. If we don't have new ones he tells me
the ones I told him last time and I have to laugh :).
I will ask my daughter (mother of a six-year-old boy).
One joke book my kids used to like (and I think the grandkids still
have) is the "Ha Ha Bonk Book".

What goes "Ha Ha Bonk?"
A man laughing his head off.
--
Marjorie

To reply, replace dontusethisaddress with marje
Jim Easterbrook
2012-10-13 09:45:31 UTC
Permalink
Post by Marjorie
What goes "Ha Ha Bonk?"
A man laughing his head off.
Or a hyena in the mating season.
--
Jim
Marjorie
2012-10-13 12:13:54 UTC
Permalink
Post by Jim Easterbrook
Post by Marjorie
What goes "Ha Ha Bonk?"
A man laughing his head off.
Or a hyena in the mating season.
Now, now, we're looking for jokes for a six-year-old. Granny doesn't
want to have to explain that one.
--
Marjorie

To reply, replace dontusethisaddress with marje
Dr Nick
2012-10-13 12:17:15 UTC
Permalink
Post by Marjorie
Post by Jim Easterbrook
What goes "Ha Ha Bonk?" A man laughing his head off.
Or a hyena in the mating season.
Now, now, we're looking for jokes for a six-year-old. Granny doesn't
want to have to explain that one.
I just tried "why did the dinosaur cross the road" on people a little
older than suggested and got "because there were no chickens then" and
"because it was the chicken's day off".

I still think the interrupting cow is the funniest of the lot.
Badriya
2012-10-13 13:28:00 UTC
Permalink
On Sat, 13 Oct 2012 13:17:15 +0100, Dr Nick
Post by Dr Nick
Post by Marjorie
Post by Jim Easterbrook
What goes "Ha Ha Bonk?" A man laughing his head off.
Or a hyena in the mating season.
Now, now, we're looking for jokes for a six-year-old. Granny doesn't
want to have to explain that one.
Oh dear. Until you said that I hadn't got it.
Post by Dr Nick
I just tried "why did the dinosaur cross the road" on people a little
older than suggested and got "because there were no chickens then" and
"because it was the chicken's day off".
I still think the interrupting cow is the funniest of the lot.
Marjorie
2012-10-13 15:07:50 UTC
Permalink
Post by Badriya
On Sat, 13 Oct 2012 13:17:15 +0100, Dr Nick
Post by Marjorie
Post by Jim Easterbrook
What goes "Ha Ha Bonk?" A man laughing his head off.
Or a hyena in the mating season.
Now, now, we're looking for jokes for a six-year-old. Granny doesn't
want to have to explain that one.
Oh dear. Until you said that I hadn't got it.
Maybe Granny will have to find an older child to explain it to her?
--
Marjorie

To reply, replace dontusethisaddress with marje
LizJ
2012-10-13 15:20:42 UTC
Permalink
Post by Dr Nick
Post by Marjorie
Post by Jim Easterbrook
What goes "Ha Ha Bonk?" A man laughing his head off.
Or a hyena in the mating season.
Now, now, we're looking for jokes for a six-year-old. Granny doesn't
want to have to explain that one.
I just tried "why did the dinosaur cross the road" on people a little
older than suggested and got "because there were no chickens then" and
"because it was the chicken's day off".
I still think the interrupting cow is the funniest of the lot.
I don't know that one...
--
LizJ
Dr Nick
2012-10-13 16:58:37 UTC
Permalink
Post by LizJ
Post by Dr Nick
Post by Marjorie
Post by Jim Easterbrook
What goes "Ha Ha Bonk?" A man laughing his head off.
Or a hyena in the mating season.
Now, now, we're looking for jokes for a six-year-old. Granny
doesn't want to have to explain that one.
I just tried "why did the dinosaur cross the road" on people a
little older than suggested and got "because there were no chickens
then" and "because it was the chicken's day off".
I still think the interrupting cow is the funniest of the lot.
I don't know that one...
A: Knock know
B: Who's there
A: The interrupting cow
B: The interrupt...
A: [as loudly as possible] MOOOOOOO!

"I know a great knock-knock joke. You start" is a good one too.
Badriya
2012-10-13 12:23:18 UTC
Permalink
On Sat, 13 Oct 2012 10:45:31 +0100, Jim Easterbrook
Post by Jim Easterbrook
Post by Marjorie
What goes "Ha Ha Bonk?"
A man laughing his head off.
Top one!
Post by Jim Easterbrook
Or a hyena in the mating season.
Frederick Williams
2012-10-13 14:45:37 UTC
Permalink
Post by Badriya
On Sat, 13 Oct 2012 10:45:31 +0100, Jim Easterbrook
Post by Jim Easterbrook
Post by Marjorie
What goes "Ha Ha Bonk?"
A man laughing his head off.
Top one!
Will a six year old get that?
Post by Badriya
Post by Jim Easterbrook
Or a hyena in the mating season.
Top being USian for our tup.
--
Where are the songs of Summer?--With the sun,
Oping the dusky eyelids of the south,
Till shade and silence waken up as one,
And morning sings with a warm odorous mouth.
the Omrud
2012-10-13 10:29:34 UTC
Permalink
Post by Marjorie
Post by Badriya
Appeal for help.
I need jokes for 6 year olds. Maybe 2 or 3 on Mondays and Wednesdays.
What's brown and sticky? A stick
How do you know when if an elephant's been in the fridge? Footprints
in the butter.
Grandson told me one or two and seems towant me to come up with them
regularly and he loves them. If we don't have new ones he tells me
the ones I told him last time and I have to laugh :).
I will ask my daughter (mother of a six-year-old boy).
One joke book my kids used to like (and I think the grandkids still
have) is the "Ha Ha Bonk Book".
What goes "Ha Ha Bonk?"
A man laughing his head off.
- What goes Ho, Ho, Ho, Bonk?
- Father Christmas laughing his head off.

- What goes 99, Bonk?
- A centipede with a wooden leg.

- What do you call a man with a plank on his head?
- Edward

- What do you call a woman with tiles on her head?
- Ruth.
--
David
Dev
2012-10-13 11:20:56 UTC
Permalink
Post by the Omrud
Post by Marjorie
Post by Badriya
Appeal for help.
I need jokes for 6 year olds. Maybe 2 or 3 on Mondays and Wednesdays.
What's brown and sticky? A stick
How do you know when if an elephant's been in the fridge? Footprints
in the butter.
Grandson told me one or two and seems towant me to come up with them
regularly and he loves them. If we don't have new ones he tells me
the ones I told him last time and I have to laugh :).
I will ask my daughter (mother of a six-year-old boy).
One joke book my kids used to like (and I think the grandkids still
have) is the "Ha Ha Bonk Book".
What goes "Ha Ha Bonk?"
A man laughing his head off.
- What goes Ho, Ho, Ho, Bonk?
- Father Christmas laughing his head off.
- What goes 99, Bonk?
- A centipede with a wooden leg.
- What do you call a man with a plank on his head?
- Edward
- What do you call a woman with tiles on her head?
- Ruth.
I think it's how you tell 'em.

Don't call us...
--
Dev

Om Namah Shivaya | Om Kailasa-vasine namaha
the Omrud
2012-10-13 11:46:27 UTC
Permalink
Post by Dev
Post by the Omrud
Post by Marjorie
Post by Badriya
Appeal for help.
I need jokes for 6 year olds. Maybe 2 or 3 on Mondays and Wednesdays.
What's brown and sticky? A stick
How do you know when if an elephant's been in the fridge? Footprints
in the butter.
Grandson told me one or two and seems towant me to come up with them
regularly and he loves them. If we don't have new ones he tells me
the ones I told him last time and I have to laugh :).
I will ask my daughter (mother of a six-year-old boy).
One joke book my kids used to like (and I think the grandkids still
have) is the "Ha Ha Bonk Book".
What goes "Ha Ha Bonk?"
A man laughing his head off.
- What goes Ho, Ho, Ho, Bonk?
- Father Christmas laughing his head off.
- What goes 99, Bonk?
- A centipede with a wooden leg.
- What do you call a man with a plank on his head?
- Edward
- What do you call a woman with tiles on her head?
- Ruth.
I think it's how you tell 'em.
Don't call us...
- What do you call a man living in a pile of dried leaves?
- Russell

And for those of us with longer memories:

- What do you call a man with a plank on his head and a splinter in each
ear?
- Edward Woodward.

And I stole these from a web site:

What do you call a man ...
With a spade on his head (Doug)
Without a spade on his head (Douglas)
In a brown paper suit (Russell)
With a seagull on his head (Cliff)
With no arms and legs in a swimming pool (Bob)

There are lots more here:

http://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/21021/

But some are not suitable for children. Or adults.
--
David
Robin Fairbairns
2012-10-16 12:09:57 UTC
Permalink
Post by the Omrud
- What do you call a man with a plank on his head and a splinter in
each ear?
- Edward Woodward.
-- why were "d"s invented?
-- because ewar woowar sounds so silly
--
Robin Fairbairns, Cambridge
sorry about all this posting. i'll go back to sleep in a bit.
Serena Blanchflower
2012-10-13 09:30:04 UTC
Permalink
Post by Badriya
I need jokes for 6 year olds. Maybe 2 or 3 on Mondays and Wednesdays.
I gathered up a whole lot of these, some time ago, as an alternative
set of sig lines...


Q. What do you call a man with a bulldozer on his head?
A. Squashed
%
Q. When is it unlucky to see a black cat?
A. When you're a mouse

Q. Where does a dog go when he loses his tail?
A. To a re-tailer

Q. What do pixies and elves do after school?
A. Gnomework

Q. Which fish wears a cowboy hat and two guns?
A. Billy the squid

Q. What do you do when you find a space man?
A. Park in it man.

Q. What's white and crumbly and swings through the trees?
A. A meringutang

Q. Who do you get to baby-sit the kids?
A. A nanny goat

Q. What does a vegetarian cannibal eat?
A. Swedes.

Q. Why would a golfer wear two pairs of socks?
A. In case he gets a hole in one.

Q. What do get if you walk under a cow?
A. A pat on the head.

A ghost walks into a pub and asks for a whisky.
The barman says, "Sorry, we don't serve spirits."

Q. What do you call a weird market?
A. A bizarre bazaar.

Q. Why did the golfer wear an extra pair of trousers?
A. In case he got a hole in one

Q. Where does Tarzan buy his clothes?
A. At a jungle sale

Q. What can you make that cannot be seen?
A. A noise.

Q. What do you call just married spiders?
A. Newly-webs.

Q. What happened when the Ice Monster ate a curry?
A. He blew his cool

Q. Why did the tightrope walker visit his bank?
A. To check his balance.

Q. What did the fireman's wife get her for Christmas?
A. A ladder in her stocking

Q. What was the tortoise doing on the motorway?
A. About 1 mph.

Tuner: I've come to tune your piano.
Mr Smith: But I didn't send for you.
Tuner: No, your neighbours did.

Q. Which bird always succeeds?
A. A budgie with no teeth.

Q. What do monsters have for breakfast?
A. Dreaded wheat.

Q. How do you make an apple puff?
A. Chase it round the garden a few times.

Q. Where did Sir Lancelot study?
A. Knight school.

Q. What do you get if you cross a sheep with a grasshopper?
A. A woolly jumper.

Q. What's purple and shouts "Help"?
A. A damson in distress.

Doctor, doctor! Please can you help me out?
Of course - which way did you come in?

Q. When do astronauts eat?
A. At launch time.

Q. How do you stop a skunk smelling?
A. Hold its nose.

Q. What's the best birthday present for a little boy?
A. Well a drum takes a lot of beating!

Q. Why did the baby foal take throat lozenges?
A. Because he was a little horse.

Q. Who was the biggest robber in history?
A. Atlas - he held up the world.

Q. How's the little lad who swallowed the £1 coin, doctor?
A. No change yet, I'm afraid.

Q. How do Vikings send secret messages?
A. They use Norse code.

Q. What did the great explorer eat in the jungle?
A. Steak and pygmy pie.

Q. What will they do if the Forth Bridge collapses?
A. Build a fifth bridge.

Q. Why is Europe like a frying pan?
A. Because it has Greece at the bottom.

Q. Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip to outer space?
A. He wanted to find Pluto.

Q. Why was the Egyptian boy confused?
A. Because his daddy was a mummy.

Q. Why do animals have fur coats?
A. Because they'd look silly in anoraks.

Q. What question can you never answer YES to?
A. Are you asleep?

Teacher: Make up a sentence using the word centimetre?
Boy: My little sister was walking home, and I was centimetre.

Q. What do you call a man wearing ear-muffs?
A. Anything you like - he can't hear you!

Q. What lives in the bottom of the sea and shakes?
A. A nervous wreck.

Q. What lies in a pram and wobbles?
A. A jelly baby.

Q. What's the most popular gardening magazine in the world?
A. Weeder's Digest.

Q. What do you call a fairy who hasn't had a wash for a week?
A. Stinkerbell

Q. Why did the cat join the Red Cross?
A. It wanted to be a first aid kit.

Customer: Excuse me, waiter, do you know what kind of bird this is?
Waiter: It's a wood pigeon, Sir.
Customer: I thought so - bring me a saw.

Q. What would you get if all the cars in the U.S. were red?
A. A red carnation

Q. What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A. A centipede with sore feet.

Q. What do ghosts play at parties?
A. Haunt and seek.

Q. Where do frogs leave their coats?
A. In the croakroom.

Q. What is green and moody?
A. The incredible sulk.

Customer: Waiter! Waiter! This egg's bad.
Waiter: Don't blame me. I only lay the tables.

Q. Why do bees hum?
A. Because they can't remember the words.

Newsflash: Forty pedigree dogs have been stolen.
Police say they have no leads.

Q. Do you know the quickest way to the station?
A. Yes - run!

Q. What do you call a crate of ducks?
A. A box of quackers

My girlfriend's a twin.
How can you tell them apart?
Her brother's got a beard.

Q. What do you call a man with jelly in one ear and custard in the other?
A. A trifle deaf.

Q. Where are the Andes?
A. At the end of your armies

Q. How does a monkey make toast in the zoo?
A. He sticks it under the gorilla.

Q. Why did the landlord refuse to serve the ghost?
A. He didn't have a licence to serve spirits.

Q. What do you get after it has been taken?
A. Your photograph

Q. Which dog is the most expensive of all?
A. A deer hound!

Wife: Did you take a bath this morning?
Husband: Why is there one missing?

Q. How do hens dance?
A. Chick to chick

Q. What has a bottom at the top?
A. A Leg!

Q. Why did the nurse creep into the cupboard?
A. So as not to wake the sleeping pills

Q. What has a neck but no head?
A. A bottle

Q. How do you start a pudding race?
A. Sago

Q. What goes tick-tock-woof?
A. A watch dog!

Q. Where does Friday come before Thursday?
A. In the dictionary

Q. How does Jack Frost get to work?
A. By icicle!

Q. What do you do with a sick budgie?
A. Give him tweetment

Q. What does the ocean say when it meets the coast?
A. Nothing it just waves!

Q. What do you get from nervous cows?
A. Milk shakes!

Q. Are you a piece of string?
A. No, I'm afraid not.

Q. What happened to the hyena that swallowed an Oxo cube?
A. He made a laughing stock of himself.

Q. Why does the milking stool have only 2 legs?
A. Because the cow has the udder one.

Q. What do you call Santa's little helpers?
A. Subordinate clauses!

Q. What did baby corn say to mummy corn?
A. Where's popcorn?

Q. What sort of sentence would you get if you broke the law of gravity?
A. A suspended one!

Q. How do snowmen get around?
A. They ride an icicle

Q. How do monkeys make toast?
A. Stick some bread under the gorilla!

Q. How do witches tell the time?
A. With a witch-watch!

Q. What do you get if you cross a hen with a bedside clock?
A. An alarm cluck!

Q. What song did Cinderella sing as she waited four months for her
photos to come back from the chemist?
A. 'Some day my prints will come!'

Q. What is Santa's favourite pizza?
A. One that's deep pan, crisp and even

Q. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A. A mince spy!

Q. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
A. Tinsilitis!

Q. Why did the tightrope walker visit his bank?
A. To check his balance

Q. Why was the Egyptian boy confused?
A. Because his daddy was a mummy
--
Cheers, Serena
If you smile at life, life will smile back at you...
Nick Odell
2012-10-13 09:50:04 UTC
Permalink
On Sat, 13 Oct 2012 10:30:04 +0100, Serena Blanchflower
Post by Serena Blanchflower
Post by Badriya
I need jokes for 6 year olds. Maybe 2 or 3 on Mondays and Wednesdays.
I gathered up a whole lot of these, some time ago, as an alternative
set of sig lines...
Q...
A...
Bravo!

I didn't mean to read to the very end but before I knew it, there I
was!

Nick
J. P. Gilliver (John)
2012-10-13 10:10:36 UTC
Permalink
In message <***@brightview.co.uk>, Serena
Blanchflower <***@blanchflower.me.uk> writes:
[]
Post by Serena Blanchflower
Q. Where does a dog go when he loses his tail?
A. To a re-tailer
[]
Post by Serena Blanchflower
A ghost walks into a pub and asks for a whisky.
The barman says, "Sorry, we don't serve spirits."
I've seen those combined - "we don't re-tail spirits after ..." (though
a 6yo might not know "retail").
[]
Post by Serena Blanchflower
Q. What's purple and shouts "Help"?
A. A damson in distress.
I suppose the old "black and white and re[a]d all over - a newspaper"
isn't valid any more, since the advent of colour in newspapers. (Nor the
joke about why Mr. Murdoch wanted to own the Financial Times.)
[]
Post by Serena Blanchflower
Q. How's the little lad who swallowed the £1 coin, doctor?
A. No change yet, I'm afraid.
(YouTube is breaking up on me
today; it's not my link.)
[]
Post by Serena Blanchflower
Q. What question can you never answer YES to?
A. Are you asleep?
Oh, I can answer yes to that one!
[]
Post by Serena Blanchflower
Q. What lives in the bottom of the sea and shakes?
A. A nervous wreck.
[]
Post by Serena Blanchflower
Newsflash: Forty pedigree dogs have been stolen.
Police say they have no leads.
... hole in the road ... looking into it.
[]
Post by Serena Blanchflower
Q. How does a monkey make toast in the zoo?
A. He sticks it under the gorilla.
[]
Post by Serena Blanchflower
Q. What do you get from nervous cows?
A. Milk shakes!
Something about an Arabian milkman there too ...
[]
Post by Serena Blanchflower
Q. How do monkeys make toast?
A. Stick some bread under the gorilla!
[]
--
J. P. Gilliver. UMRA: 1960/<1985 MB++G()AL-IS-Ch++(p)***@T+H+Sh0!:`)DNAf

31.69 nHz = once a year. (Julian Thomas)
Badriya
2012-10-13 12:20:23 UTC
Permalink
On Sat, 13 Oct 2012 11:10:36 +0100, "J. P. Gilliver (John)"
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
[]
Post by Serena Blanchflower
Q. Where does a dog go when he loses his tail?
A. To a re-tailer
not sure, too old for him
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
[]
Post by Serena Blanchflower
A ghost walks into a pub and asks for a whisky.
The barman says, "Sorry, we don't serve spirits."
maybe old
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
I've seen those combined - "we don't re-tail spirits after ..." (though
a 6yo might not know "retail").
[]
Post by Serena Blanchflower
Q. What's purple and shouts "Help"?
A. A damson in distress.
I suppose the old "black and white and re[a]d all over - a newspaper"
isn't valid any more, since the advent of colour in newspapers. (Nor the
joke about why Mr. Murdoch wanted to own the Financial Times.)
[]
Post by Serena Blanchflower
Q. How's the little lad who swallowed the £1 coin, doctor?
A. No change yet, I'm afraid.
http://youtu.be/fT6uJqrKvgs (YouTube is breaking up on me
today; it's not my link.)
[]
Post by Serena Blanchflower
Q. What question can you never answer YES to?
A. Are you asleep?
Oh, I can answer yes to that one!
[]
Post by Serena Blanchflower
Q. What lives in the bottom of the sea and shakes?
A. A nervous wreck.
[]
Post by Serena Blanchflower
Newsflash: Forty pedigree dogs have been stolen.
Police say they have no leads.
He will love this!
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
... hole in the road ... looking into it.
[]
Post by Serena Blanchflower
Q. How does a monkey make toast in the zoo?
A. He sticks it under the gorilla.
yes love this too
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
[]
Post by Serena Blanchflower
Q. What do you get from nervous cows?
A. Milk shakes!
Something about an Arabian milkman there too ...
[]
Post by Serena Blanchflower
Q. How do monkeys make toast?
A. Stick some bread under the gorilla!
[]
and this is good
Badriya
2012-10-13 12:30:39 UTC
Permalink
On Sat, 13 Oct 2012 10:30:04 +0100, Serena Blanchflower
Post by Serena Blanchflower
Post by Badriya
I need jokes for 6 year olds. Maybe 2 or 3 on Mondays and Wednesdays.
I gathered up a whole lot of these, some time ago, as an alternative
set of sig lines...
Many good ones here, thank you
Robin Stevens
2012-10-13 14:30:46 UTC
Permalink
Post by Badriya
Appeal for help.
I need jokes for 6 year olds. Maybe 2 or 3 on Mondays and Wednesdays.
What's brown and sticky? A stick
How do you know when if an elephant's been in the fridge? Footprints
in the butter.
One of my childhood favourites:

What's the time when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence.
--
Robin Stevens <***@cynic.org.uk>
---- http://www.cynic.org.uk/ ----
J. P. Gilliver (John)
2012-10-13 20:06:44 UTC
Permalink
Post by Robin Stevens
Post by Badriya
Appeal for help.
I need jokes for 6 year olds. Maybe 2 or 3 on Mondays and Wednesdays.
What's brown and sticky? A stick
How do you know when if an elephant's been in the fridge? Footprints
in the butter.
What's the time when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence.
ISTR there was some followup to the elephants/butter one that included
pajamas, but I can't remember it.
--
J. P. Gilliver. UMRA: 1960/<1985 MB++G()AL-IS-Ch++(p)***@T+H+Sh0!:`)DNAf

When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly.
john ashby
2012-10-13 21:28:50 UTC
Permalink
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
Post by Robin Stevens
Post by Badriya
Appeal for help.
I need jokes for 6 year olds. Maybe 2 or 3 on Mondays and Wednesdays.
What's brown and sticky? A stick How do you know when if an elephant's
been in the fridge? Footprints in the butter.
What's the time when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence.
ISTR there was some followup to the elephants/butter one that included
pajamas, but I can't remember it.
How do you know if there's an elephant in your bed? By the E embroidered
on his pyjamas.

How do you know if there's an elephant under your bed? The ceiling
suddenly seems a lot closer.

john
Dr Nick
2012-10-14 06:59:16 UTC
Permalink
Post by john ashby
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
Post by Robin Stevens
Post by Badriya
Appeal for help.
I need jokes for 6 year olds. Maybe 2 or 3 on Mondays and
Wednesdays. You know the sort of thing: What's brown and sticky?
A stick How do you know when if an elephant's been in the fridge?
Footprints in the butter.
What's the time when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence.
ISTR there was some followup to the elephants/butter one that
included pajamas, but I can't remember it.
How do you know if there's an elephant in your bed? By the E
embroidered on his pyjamas.
Only the first time.

Oops, sorry. Wrong joke.
Sally Thompson
2012-10-13 15:57:06 UTC
Permalink
Post by Badriya
Appeal for help.
I need jokes for 6 year olds. Maybe 2 or 3 on Mondays and Wednesdays.
What's brown and sticky? A stick
How do you know when if an elephant's been in the fridge? Footprints
in the butter.
Grandson told me one or two and seems towant me to come up with them
regularly and he loves them. If we don't have new ones he tells me
the ones I told him last time and I have to laugh :).
What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper.
--
Sally in Shropshire, UK
Dev
2012-10-13 16:54:41 UTC
Permalink
In article
Post by Sally Thompson
Post by Badriya
Appeal for help.
I need jokes for 6 year olds. Maybe 2 or 3 on Mondays and Wednesdays.
What's brown and sticky? A stick
How do you know when if an elephant's been in the fridge? Footprints
in the butter.
Grandson told me one or two and seems towant me to come up with them
regularly and he loves them. If we don't have new ones he tells me
the ones I told him last time and I have to laugh :).
What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper.
Q. What goes up a chimney down but won't go down a chimney up?
A. An umbrella!

Q. Why do you never see sausages hanging up in a butcher's these days?
A. Because they hang down.
--
Dev

Om Namah Shivaya | Om Pashu-pataye namaha
DavidK
2012-10-13 18:36:10 UTC
Permalink
Post by Dev
In article
Post by Sally Thompson
Post by Badriya
Appeal for help.
I need jokes for 6 year olds. Maybe 2 or 3 on Mondays and Wednesdays.
What's brown and sticky? A stick
How do you know when if an elephant's been in the fridge? Footprints
in the butter.
Grandson told me one or two and seems towant me to come up with them
regularly and he loves them. If we don't have new ones he tells me
the ones I told him last time and I have to laugh :).
What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper.
Q. What goes up a chimney down but won't go down a chimney up?
A. An umbrella!
Q. Why do you never see sausages hanging up in a butcher's these days?
A. Because they hang down.
- What has one foot and many ears?
- A Mountain
- Ears?
- You've heard of mountaineers!
J. P. Gilliver (John)
2012-10-13 20:04:41 UTC
Permalink
Post by DavidK
Post by Dev
In article
ividual.net>,
Post by Sally Thompson
Post by Badriya
Appeal for help.
I need jokes for 6 year olds. Maybe 2 or 3 on Mondays and Wednesdays.
What's brown and sticky? A stick
How do you know when if an elephant's been in the fridge? Footprints
in the butter.
Grandson told me one or two and seems towant me to come up with them
regularly and he loves them. If we don't have new ones he tells me
the ones I told him last time and I have to laugh :).
What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper.
[No longer just black and white, though.]
[]
Post by DavidK
- What has one foot and many ears?
- A Mountain
- Ears?
- You've heard of mountaineers!
And how many ears does a Vulcan have? (Has to be a Star Trek - TOS fan,
though:) Three - a left ear, a right ear, and ...
--
J. P. Gilliver. UMRA: 1960/<1985 MB++G()AL-IS-Ch++(p)***@T+H+Sh0!:`)DNAf

When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly.
Dr Nick
2012-10-13 20:55:47 UTC
Permalink
Post by DavidK
Post by Dev
In article
Post by Sally Thompson
Post by Badriya
Appeal for help.
I need jokes for 6 year olds. Maybe 2 or 3 on Mondays and
Wednesdays. You know the sort of thing: What's brown and sticky?
A stick How do you know when if an elephant's been in the fridge?
Footprints in the butter.
Grandson told me one or two and seems towant me to come up with
them regularly and he loves them. If we don't have new ones he
tells me the ones I told him last time and I have to laugh :).
What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper.
[No longer just black and white, though.] []
Post by DavidK
- What has one foot and many ears?
- A Mountain
- Ears?
- You've heard of mountaineers!
And how many ears does a Vulcan have? (Has to be a Star Trek - TOS
fan, though:) Three - a left ear, a right ear, and ...
That dates back to Davey Crocket.
LFS
2012-10-13 21:05:08 UTC
Permalink
Post by Dr Nick
Post by DavidK
Post by Dev
In article
Post by Sally Thompson
Post by Badriya
Appeal for help.
I need jokes for 6 year olds. Maybe 2 or 3 on Mondays and
Wednesdays. You know the sort of thing: What's brown and sticky?
A stick How do you know when if an elephant's been in the fridge?
Footprints in the butter.
Grandson told me one or two and seems towant me to come up with
them regularly and he loves them. If we don't have new ones he
tells me the ones I told him last time and I have to laugh :).
What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper.
[No longer just black and white, though.] []
Post by DavidK
- What has one foot and many ears?
- A Mountain
- Ears?
- You've heard of mountaineers!
And how many ears does a Vulcan have? (Has to be a Star Trek - TOS
fan, though:) Three - a left ear, a right ear, and ...
That dates back to Davey Crocket.
A passing pedant observes: Davy Crockett. (And goes off singing.)
--
Laura (emulate St George for email)
Mike Brown
2012-10-14 21:54:43 UTC
Permalink
Post by Badriya
Appeal for help.
I need jokes for 6 year olds. Maybe 2 or 3 on Mondays and Wednesdays.
What's brown and sticky? A stick
How do you know when if an elephant's been in the fridge? Footprints
in the butter.
Grandson told me one or two and seems towant me to come up with them
regularly and he loves them. If we don't have new ones he tells me
the ones I told him last time and I have to laugh :).
Q: What do you call a donkey with three legs?
A: A wonkey
--
mb
Frederick Williams
2012-10-14 22:13:47 UTC
Permalink
Post by Badriya
Appeal for help.
I need jokes for 6 year olds. Maybe 2 or 3 on Mondays and Wednesdays.
Are two or three six-year-olds the same as twelve or eighteen
one-year-olds?
--
Where are the songs of Summer?--With the sun,
Oping the dusky eyelids of the south,
Till shade and silence waken up as one,
And morning sings with a warm odorous mouth.
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