2020-01-09 14:50:54 UTC
Hearing the scenes with the builders, it is apparent to me that Jim is
blissfully unaware of the very rigorous training programme that all keen
and conscientious budding builders goes through.
From my own experience, I know that there are certain minimum standards,
these standards are only achievable by attending a long and meticulously
designed course at night school.
Some of the subjects covered during the 26 week, 5 days a week course are
1: ability to detect which types of radio programme irritate the occupants
most so that they can be played on a ghetto blaster at high volume
(preferably plugged into the mains power in the property). Failing
availability of mains supply, low voltage battery must be used to ensure
the most harmonically distorted sound possible is audible everywhere in the
2: innate skills to seek out a water supply point (preferably one that
denies the occupants of a much used tap) that can be connected to a hose
that is then left running at pressure all day to ensure water is available
to the workers at any moment.
3: ability to recognise much loved plants so that they may be knocked over
4: recognise the most destructive routes around the property for diggers
and the like to churn up grass, paths and borders.
5: find the cleanest area to set up cement / concrete mixing facilities to
ensure most slopping and despoiling of the property.
6: work out routes taken by utilities such as gas, electricity, drains, it
cabling etc. so that minimum effort will be required to break, burst or
sever the services in the most awkward access locations.
7: ensure that fag ends are evenly distributed around the property, along
with drinks cans, food packaging and cement bags, broken pipe shards, paint
cans, broken pallets and polythene wrapping scraps.
8: on larger jobs, siting portaloos in the most conspicuous position at the
front of the property.
9: park all vans, lorries, cars and plant in the most conspicuous and
10: select plant with tyres that will redistribute as much earth / mud
around the property as possible.
All these subjects and many others that otherrats will contribute to the
list help to ensure a building experience you will never forget!