Discussion:
Grammar
(too old to reply)
Sally Thompson
2018-07-06 07:05:18 UTC
Permalink
Not mine, nor new, but spotted on Facebook and particularly umratic I
thought:

A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting
with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a
wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his
magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys
everything.

A question mark walks into a bar?

A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we
don't serve your type."

A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but
hoping to nip it in the bud.

A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They
depart.

A synonym strolls into a tavern.

At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute
as a button, and sharp as a tack.

A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little
sentence fragment.

Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting
figuratively hammered.

An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles
heel.

The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned a man with a glass eye named
Ralph.

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

A dyslexic walks into a bra.

A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they
conjugate. The noun declines.

An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the
television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the
bartender nearly chokes on the irony.
--
Sally in Shropshire, UK
Sid Nuncius
2018-07-06 07:19:11 UTC
Permalink
Post by Sally Thompson
Not mine, nor new, but spotted on Facebook and particularly umratic I
A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting
with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.
A bar was walked into by the passive voice.
An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.
Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”
A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a
wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his
magnificent other, who takes him for granite.
Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys
everything.
A question mark walks into a bar?
A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.
Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we
don't serve your type."
A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but
hoping to nip it in the bud.
A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They
depart.
A synonym strolls into a tavern.
At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute
as a button, and sharp as a tack.
A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little
sentence fragment.
Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.
A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting
figuratively hammered.
An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles
heel.
The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.
A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned a man with a glass eye named
Ralph.
The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
A dyslexic walks into a bra.
A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they
conjugate. The noun declines.
An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the
television getting drunk and smoking cigars.
A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.
A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.
A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the
bartender nearly chokes on the irony.
A greengrocer's apostrophe walks into a bar and orders drink's all round.

A young solecism walks into a bar, flaunting the Over-18s Only rule.

So, a superfluous conjunction walks into a bar.
--
Sid (Make sure Matron is away when you reply)
Vicky Ayech
2018-07-06 08:38:11 UTC
Permalink
On Fri, 6 Jul 2018 08:19:11 +0100, Sid Nuncius
Post by Sally Thompson
Not mine, nor new, but spotted on Facebook and particularly umratic I
You two! mWAH!
agsmith578688@gmail.com Tony Smith Prestbury Glos.
2018-07-06 09:23:19 UTC
Permalink
A split infinitive walks into a bar to patiently wait to be served?
Sally Thompson
2018-07-06 10:32:23 UTC
Permalink
Post by ***@gmail.com Tony Smith Prestbury Glos.
A split infinitive walks into a bar to patiently wait to be served?
An indented paragraph walks into a bar and says “let’s get inside”.
--
Sally in Shropshire, UK
BrritSki
2018-07-06 11:02:30 UTC
Permalink
Post by Sally Thompson
Post by ***@gmail.com Tony Smith Prestbury Glos.
A split infinitive walks into a bar to patiently wait to be served?
An indented paragraph walks into a bar and says “let’s get inside”.
A musical policeman goes into a bar and goes back out on the beat.

I don't think I've got the hang of this have I ?
John Finlay
2018-07-06 11:31:14 UTC
Permalink
Post by BrritSki
Post by Sally Thompson
Post by ***@gmail.com Tony Smith Prestbury Glos.
A split infinitive walks into a bar to patiently wait to be served?
An indented paragraph walks into a bar and says “let’s get inside”.
A musical policeman goes into a bar and goes back out on the beat.
I don't think I've got the hang of this have I ?
A zuegma walks into a bar and leaves in tears and a taxi.
John Finlay
2018-07-06 11:34:14 UTC
Permalink
Post by John Finlay
Post by BrritSki
Post by Sally Thompson
Post by ***@gmail.com Tony Smith Prestbury Glos.
A split infinitive walks into a bar to patiently wait to be served?
An indented paragraph walks into a bar and says “let’s get inside”.
A musical policeman goes into a bar and goes back out on the beat.
I don't think I've got the hang of this have I ?
A zuegma walks into a bar and leaves in tears and a taxi.
Or.. a zuegma walks into a bar, has a swift half and the barmaid.
DavidK
2018-07-06 14:53:10 UTC
Permalink
Post by John Finlay
Post by John Finlay
Post by BrritSki
Post by Sally Thompson
Post by ***@gmail.com Tony Smith Prestbury Glos.
A split infinitive walks into a bar to patiently wait to be served?
An indented paragraph walks into a bar and says “let’s get inside”.
A musical policeman goes into a bar and goes back out on the beat.
I don't think I've got the hang of this have I ?
A zuegma walks into a bar and leaves in tears and a taxi.
Or.. a zuegma walks into a bar, has a swift half and the barmaid.
A garden path sentence walks into a bar and bumps its nose.

An ambiguity walks into a bar and smashes its glasses. PS /zeugma/
J. P. Gilliver (John)
2018-07-07 10:33:54 UTC
Permalink
Post by John Finlay
Post by John Finlay
Post by BrritSki
Post by Sally Thompson
Post by ***@gmail.com Tony Smith Prestbury Glos.
A split infinitive walks into a bar to patiently wait to be served?
An indented paragraph walks into a bar and says “let’s get inside”.
A musical policeman goes into a bar and goes back out on the beat.
I don't think I've got the hang of this have I ?
A zuegma walks into a bar and leaves in tears and a taxi.
I _think_ it's zeugma.
Post by John Finlay
Or.. a zuegma walks into a bar, has a swift half and the barmaid.
(-:

A biology student ... and asks for a pint of adenosine triphosphate.
"That'll be ATP", says the barman.
--
J. P. Gilliver. UMRA: 1960/<1985 MB++G()AL-IS-Ch++(p)***@T+H+Sh0!:`)DNAf

Never raise your hand to your children. It leaves your mid-section unprotected
Sally Thompson
2018-07-07 14:39:18 UTC
Permalink
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
Post by John Finlay
Post by John Finlay
Post by BrritSki
Post by Sally Thompson
Post by ***@gmail.com Tony Smith Prestbury Glos.
A split infinitive walks into a bar to patiently wait to be served?
An indented paragraph walks into a bar and says “let’s get inside”.
A musical policeman goes into a bar and goes back out on the beat.
I don't think I've got the hang of this have I ?
A zuegma walks into a bar and leaves in tears and a taxi.
I _think_ it's zeugma.
Post by John Finlay
Or.. a zuegma walks into a bar, has a swift half and the barmaid.
A biology student ... and asks for a pint of adenosine triphosphate.
"That'll be ATP", says the barman.
An umrat walks into a bar and asks for an umbrella:-)
--
Sally in Shropshire, UK
Jenny M Benson
2018-07-07 17:17:00 UTC
Permalink
Post by Sally Thompson
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
Post by John Finlay
Post by John Finlay
Post by BrritSki
Post by Sally Thompson
Post by ***@gmail.com Tony Smith Prestbury Glos.
A split infinitive walks into a bar to patiently wait to be served?
An indented paragraph walks into a bar and says “let’s get inside”.
A musical policeman goes into a bar and goes back out on the beat.
I don't think I've got the hang of this have I ?
A zuegma walks into a bar and leaves in tears and a taxi.
I _think_ it's zeugma.
Post by John Finlay
Or.. a zuegma walks into a bar, has a swift half and the barmaid.
A biology student ... and asks for a pint of adenosine triphosphate.
"That'll be ATP", says the barman.
An umrat walks into a bar and asks for an umbrella:-)
Jolly well done!
--
Jenny M Benson
http://jennygenes.blogspot.co.uk/
Mike
2018-07-07 17:18:31 UTC
Permalink
Post by Jenny M Benson
Post by Sally Thompson
Post by J. P. Gilliver (John)
Post by John Finlay
Post by John Finlay
Post by BrritSki
Post by Sally Thompson
Post by ***@gmail.com Tony Smith Prestbury Glos.
A split infinitive walks into a bar to patiently wait to be served?
An indented paragraph walks into a bar and says “let’s get inside”.
A musical policeman goes into a bar and goes back out on the beat.
I don't think I've got the hang of this have I ?
A zuegma walks into a bar and leaves in tears and a taxi.
I _think_ it's zeugma.
Post by John Finlay
Or.. a zuegma walks into a bar, has a swift half and the barmaid.
A biology student ... and asks for a pint of adenosine triphosphate.
"That'll be ATP", says the barman.
An umrat walks into a bar and asks for an umbrella:-)
Jolly well done!
I should save that one - for a rainy day.
--
Toodle Pip
Clive Arthur
2018-07-06 14:07:18 UTC
Permalink
A man walks into a bar and asks the barmaid for a double entendre so she
gives him one.

Cheers
--
Clive
carolet
2018-07-06 17:44:31 UTC
Permalink
Post by Sally Thompson
Not mine, nor new, but spotted on Facebook and particularly umratic I
No, not new, it was last reported here on the 28th February in a thread
entitled "pedantry from gransnet". Further contributions were made then
too, if you enjoy this, you may wish to check those out too.
Post by Sally Thompson
A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting
with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.
A bar was walked into by the passive voice.
An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.
Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”
A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a
wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his
magnificent other, who takes him for granite.
Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys
everything.
A question mark walks into a bar?
A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.
Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we
don't serve your type."
A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but
hoping to nip it in the bud.
A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They
depart.
A synonym strolls into a tavern.
At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute
as a button, and sharp as a tack.
A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little
sentence fragment.
Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.
A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting
figuratively hammered.
An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles
heel.
The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.
A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned a man with a glass eye named
Ralph.
The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
A dyslexic walks into a bra.
A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they
conjugate. The noun declines.
An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the
television getting drunk and smoking cigars.
A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.
A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.
A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the
bartender nearly chokes on the irony.
--
CaroleT
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