Discussion:
BTA Ceremony 2020 Part 5
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Sid Nuncius
2020-01-05 18:34:13 UTC
Permalink
And finally this evening, the coveted award for
General Bad Taste

And to present the Award, please welcome Jeremy Corbyn!

Thank you. I, of course, shall remain neutral on the issue of this
Award. We shall have a period of reflection, after which the NEC will
consider which of the nominees to put to Conference for a full vote
before holding a referendum with…

<BTM wrestles microphone back>

Thank you, Mr Corbyn. If you will allow me, the nominations are:


9.1.19
Fenny, nominated by vk
carolet: Tuesday 8th - David fears for the future, and Shula is touched
by a
unexpected gesture.
Fenny: TA's #Me Too moment?


19.1.19 Sam Plusnet, nominated by Kate B
Sam P: Perhaps Matron might need a drop or two of the nerve tonic, we
wouldn't want her to be too upset.
John Ashby: Would that be the Gordons nerve tonic?
Sam P: I was thinking of the Salisbury version.


5.2.19
Mike McT, nominated by Sally
Vicky: He was made with Shula's egg and Mark's sperm. Was the ivf done
after Mark died? If so why did they have his sperm? Did Shula have
difficulty getting pregnant and they were in the middle of treatment?
Mike: It is probably difficult to carry out the IVF procedure if you have a
mobile phone in one hand and the other on a steering wheel.


18.2.19
Brritski, nominated by Sally
Chris McT: Sounds like Russ could be around for awhile so we all need a
cup of his
coffee......
Brritski: With added Rohypnol ?


24.2.19
krw, nominated by Chris McT:
carolet: Friday 1st - It's a big night for Lee,
krw: Does he cook tuna bake and make real custard for Helen before
getting his end away?


7.3.19
Clive and Brritski, nominated by Vicky and Chris Dixon:
Clive: Henry will say something about defending his mother using karate.
Mike McT: Out of the mouths of babes....
Clive: You are Michael Jackson AICMFP.
Brritski: ITYM IN to the mouths of babes…


29.6.19 Paul Herber nominated by Mike McT
Jenny Benson: I bought some smoked sausages the other day that were made
by the chaps
currently residing at HMP Haverigg. They were SCRUMMY!
Paul: I hope these sausages aren't an attempt to get someone out
without being noticed?
Prisoner 153128, where is your left leg?


14.8.19 Clive nominated by Sally
Joe Kerr: (on how to help an elderly lady who has lost all interest in
everything)
I’m at my wits end and would welcome any recommendations on how to make
her take a more positive outlook and do something to benefit both our lives.
Clive: Dignitas?


2.10.19 Nick Leverton nominated by Vicky and JPG
Vicky: (of a keyboard designed for old people) it is also waterproof!
With drain holes...what do they think old people do with a keyboard?
Nick: That's why the keys are yellow too!


3.10.19 Brritski nominated by Serena
Frankly, this all got rather too complicated to explain fully, but in
response to some obscure bad taste regarding a fellow umrat’s surgery
many years ago:

Sid: But some of us will remember very well. I still think of him very
fondly indeed. Thanks for the reminder, Rosie.
Brritski: Him ? ITYM them...
Sally: BTN (somewhat belatedly)!
BTM: TBH, I'm ambivalent about this one. I shall take this under
advisement, but I'm inclined to say no. Doesn't seem to sit quite right
with me.
Brritski: Rosie didn't sit quite right for a while afterwards either aiui !


And BTAs go to both SAM PLUSNET for his deeply distasteful Salisbury
reference and CLIVE for the thoroughly reprehensible Dignitas remark.

And that concludes the BTA Ceremony 2020. It only remains for me to
mention a very kind text from Prince Andrew saying that he thought the
whole thing went very well, and also for me to ask whether a few umrats
would be kind enough to carry Brritski to the waiting ambulance.

I look forward a tasteless 2020 and to seeing you all next year. Good
night!
--
Sid (Make sure Matron is away when you reply)
Jim Easterbrook
2020-01-05 18:47:25 UTC
Permalink
Post by Sid Nuncius
And that concludes the BTA Ceremony 2020. It only remains for me to
mention a very kind text from Prince Andrew saying that he thought the
whole thing went very well, and also for me to ask whether a few umrats
would be kind enough to carry Brritski to the waiting ambulance.
<thunderous applause>

What a splendid ceremony. I do hope the expense of hiring all those
celebrities wasn't too onerous.
--
Jim <http://www.jim-easterbrook.me.uk/>
1959/1985? M B+ G+ A L- I- S- P-- CH0(p) Ar++ T+ H0 Q--- Sh0
Vicky Ayech
2020-01-05 21:20:04 UTC
Permalink
On 5 Jan 2020 18:47:25 GMT, Jim Easterbrook
Post by Jim Easterbrook
Post by Sid Nuncius
And that concludes the BTA Ceremony 2020. It only remains for me to
mention a very kind text from Prince Andrew saying that he thought the
whole thing went very well, and also for me to ask whether a few umrats
would be kind enough to carry Brritski to the waiting ambulance.
<thunderous applause>
What a splendid ceremony. I do hope the expense of hiring all those
celebrities wasn't too onerous.
Thank you for all the hard work, Sid. I suppose all these alcohol free
wines and beers are the reason things stayed so calm and the
'stewards' were not required to remove rowdies. Last one over to the
Bull for Shires and Scruff pays?
BrritSki
2020-01-05 21:29:55 UTC
Permalink
Post by Jim Easterbrook
Post by Sid Nuncius
And that concludes the BTA Ceremony 2020. It only remains for me to
mention a very kind text from Prince Andrew saying that he thought the
whole thing went very well, and also for me to ask whether a few umrats
would be kind enough to carry Brritski to the waiting ambulance.
<thunderous applause>
What a splendid ceremony. I do hope the expense of hiring all those
celebrities wasn't too onerous.
I complete;y agree. But typing is boodly difficult in this short with
the long sleeves tied at the back....

A truly splendid ceremony !
Min
2020-01-05 22:25:07 UTC
Permalink
Post by BrritSki
Post by Jim Easterbrook
Post by Sid Nuncius
And that concludes the BTA Ceremony 2020. It only remains for me to
mention a very kind text from Prince Andrew saying that he thought the
whole thing went very well, and also for me to ask whether a few umrats
would be kind enough to carry Brritski to the waiting ambulance.
<thunderous applause>
What a splendid ceremony. I do hope the expense of hiring all those
celebrities wasn't too onerous.
I complete;y agree. But typing is boodly difficult in this short with
the long sleeves tied at the back....
A truly splendid ceremony !
Excellent Ceremony, Sid!
--
Min
Nick Odell
2020-01-05 23:45:17 UTC
Permalink
On Sun, 5 Jan 2020 14:25:07 -0800 (PST), Min
Post by Min
Post by BrritSki
Post by Jim Easterbrook
Post by Sid Nuncius
And that concludes the BTA Ceremony 2020. It only remains for me to
mention a very kind text from Prince Andrew saying that he thought the
whole thing went very well, and also for me to ask whether a few umrats
would be kind enough to carry Brritski to the waiting ambulance.
<thunderous applause>
What a splendid ceremony. I do hope the expense of hiring all those
celebrities wasn't too onerous.
I complete;y agree. But typing is boodly difficult in this short with
the long sleeves tied at the back....
A truly splendid ceremony !
Excellent Ceremony, Sid!
My thoughts exactly.

Nick
Sam Plusnet
2020-01-05 22:56:29 UTC
Permalink
Post by Jim Easterbrook
Post by Sid Nuncius
And that concludes the BTA Ceremony 2020. It only remains for me to
mention a very kind text from Prince Andrew saying that he thought the
whole thing went very well, and also for me to ask whether a few umrats
would be kind enough to carry Brritski to the waiting ambulance.
<thunderous applause>
What a splendid ceremony. I do hope the expense of hiring all those
celebrities wasn't too onerous.
We didn't have enough brass razoos to pay them to stay away.
--
Sam Plusnet
Sid Nuncius
2020-01-06 06:41:21 UTC
Permalink
Post by Jim Easterbrook
Post by Sid Nuncius
And that concludes the BTA Ceremony 2020. It only remains for me to
mention a very kind text from Prince Andrew saying that he thought the
whole thing went very well, and also for me to ask whether a few umrats
would be kind enough to carry Brritski to the waiting ambulance.
<thunderous applause>
What a splendid ceremony. I do hope the expense of hiring all those
celebrities wasn't too onerous.
Expense? They were competing for honour of doing the presentations
gratis. Really, some agents can be very pushy and rude, and that Jay Z
swears he'll never speak to me again - so some good has come of all the
unpleasantness, at least.

I shall, of course, be forwarding the invoice for repair adnd cleaning
to you, Brritski. I think there is also a considerable area of carpet
which will simply need to be replaced, so you may want to start saving up.
--
Sid (Make sure Matron is away when you reply)
BrritSki
2020-01-06 08:51:21 UTC
Permalink
Post by Jim Easterbrook
Post by Sid Nuncius
And that concludes the BTA Ceremony 2020.  It only remains for me to
mention a very kind text from Prince Andrew saying that he thought the
whole thing went very well, and also for me to ask whether a few umrats
would be kind enough to carry Brritski to the waiting ambulance.
<thunderous applause>
What a splendid ceremony. I do hope the expense of hiring all those
celebrities wasn't too onerous.
Expense?  They were competing for honour of doing the presentations
gratis.  Really, some agents can be very pushy and rude, and that Jay Z
swears he'll never speak to me again - so some good has come of all the
unpleasantness, at least.
I shall, of course, be forwarding the invoice for repair adnd cleaning
to you, Brritski.  I think there is also a considerable area of carpet
which will simply need to be replaced, so you may want to start saving up.
I deny everything, talk to my lawyers. My fingers are not that colour or
that fat, and anyway I was eating pizza in Woking last night.
BrritSki
2020-01-05 21:28:01 UTC
Permalink
Post by Sid Nuncius
And finally this evening, the coveted award for
General Bad Taste
And to present the Award, please welcome Jeremy Corbyn!
Thank you.  I, of course, shall remain neutral on the issue of this
Award.  We shall have a period of reflection, after which the NEC will
consider which of the nominees to put to Conference for a full vote
before holding a referendum with…
<BTM wrestles microphone back>
9.1.19
Fenny, nominated by vk
carolet: Tuesday 8th - David fears for the future, and Shula is touched
by a
unexpected gesture.
Fenny: TA's #Me Too moment?
19.1.19  Sam Plusnet, nominated by Kate B
Sam P:  Perhaps Matron might need a drop or two of the nerve tonic, we
wouldn't want her to be too upset.
John Ashby:  Would that be the Gordons nerve tonic?
Sam P:  I was thinking of the Salisbury version.
5.2.19
Mike McT, nominated by Sally
Vicky: He was made with Shula's egg and Mark's sperm. Was the ivf done
after Mark died? If so why did they have his sperm? Did Shula have
difficulty getting pregnant and they were in the middle of treatment?
Mike: It is probably difficult to carry out the IVF procedure if you have a
mobile phone in one hand and the other on a steering wheel.
18.2.19
Brritski, nominated by Sally
Chris McT: Sounds like Russ could be around for awhile so we all need a
cup of his
coffee......
Brritski: With added Rohypnol ?
24.2.19
carolet:  Friday 1st - It's a big night for Lee,
krw: Does he cook tuna bake and make real custard for Helen before
getting his end away?
7.3.19
Clive: Henry will say something about defending his mother using karate.
Mike McT:  Out of the mouths of babes....
Clive: You are Michael Jackson AICMFP.
Brritski:  ITYM IN to the mouths of babes…
29.6.19  Paul Herber nominated by Mike McT
Jenny Benson: I bought some smoked sausages the other day that were made
by the chaps
currently residing at HMP Haverigg.  They were SCRUMMY!
Paul:  I hope these sausages aren't an attempt to get someone out
without being noticed?
Prisoner 153128, where is your left leg?
14.8.19 Clive nominated by Sally
Joe Kerr: (on how to help an elderly lady who has lost all interest in
everything)
I’m at my wits end and would welcome any recommendations on how to make
her take a more positive outlook and do something to benefit both our lives.
Clive: Dignitas?
2.10.19 Nick Leverton nominated by Vicky and JPG
Vicky: (of a keyboard designed for old people) it is also waterproof!
With drain holes...what do they think old people do with a keyboard?
Nick: That's why the keys are yellow too!
3.10.19  Brritski nominated by Serena
Frankly, this all got rather too complicated to explain fully, but in
response to some obscure bad taste regarding a fellow umrat’s surgery
Sid: But some of us will remember very well.  I still think of him very
fondly indeed. Thanks for the reminder, Rosie.
Brritski: Him ?  ITYM them...
Sally: BTN (somewhat belatedly)!
BTM: TBH, I'm ambivalent about this one.  I shall take this under
advisement, but I'm inclined to say no.  Doesn't seem to sit quite right
with me.
Brritski: Rosie didn't sit quite right for a while afterwards either aiui !
And BTAs go to both SAM PLUSNET for his deeply distasteful Salisbury
reference and CLIVE for the thoroughly reprehensible Dignitas remark.
And that concludes the BTA Ceremony 2020.  It only remains for me to
mention a very kind text from Prince Andrew saying that he thought the
whole thing went very well, and also for me to ask whether a few umrats
would be kind enough to carry Brritski to the waiting ambulance.
NeeeNaaa NeeeeNaaaaaaaaaa
Sam Plusnet
2020-01-05 22:58:38 UTC
Permalink
Post by Sid Nuncius
And finally this evening, the coveted award for
General Bad Taste
And to present the Award, please welcome Jeremy Corbyn!
Thank you.  I, of course, shall remain neutral on the issue of this
Award.  We shall have a period of reflection, after which the NEC will
consider which of the nominees to put to Conference for a full vote
before holding a referendum with…
<BTM wrestles microphone back>
And BTAs go to both SAM PLUSNET for his deeply distasteful Salisbury
reference and CLIVE for the thoroughly reprehensible Dignitas remark.
I am overwhelmed by this joint win, but I do think Clive had the best
exit line.
--
Sam Plusnet
Jane Vernon
2020-01-06 13:07:08 UTC
Permalink
Post by Sid Nuncius
And that concludes the BTA Ceremony 2020.  It only remains for me to
mention a very kind text from Prince Andrew saying that he thought the
whole thing went very well, and also for me to ask whether a few umrats
would be kind enough to carry Brritski to the waiting ambulance.
I look forward a tasteless 2020 and to seeing you all next year.  Good
night!
A really excellent ceremony, Sid. I look forward to next year's already.
--
Jane
The Potter in the Purple socks - to reply, please remove PURPLE
BTME

http://www.clothandclay.co.uk/umra/cookbook.htm - Umrats' recipes
Sid Nuncius
2020-01-06 18:35:13 UTC
Permalink
Post by Sid Nuncius
And that concludes the BTA Ceremony 2020.  It only remains for me to
mention a very kind text from Prince Andrew saying that he thought the
whole thing went very well, and also for me to ask whether a few
umrats would be kind enough to carry Brritski to the waiting ambulance.
I look forward a tasteless 2020 and to seeing you all next year.  Good
night!
A really excellent ceremony, Sid.  I look forward to next year's already.
Thank you, MOPMOB, and to all otherrats who have commented kindly. One
endeavours to give satisfaction.

May I also thank umrats for scrupulously observing the fishpun embargo.
I thought this might be difficult for some, but I didn't notice a single
one all evening. Well done, chaps!
--
Sid (Make sure Matron is away when you reply)
Mike
2020-01-06 18:58:44 UTC
Permalink
Post by Sid Nuncius
Post by Sid Nuncius
And that concludes the BTA Ceremony 2020.  It only remains for me to
mention a very kind text from Prince Andrew saying that he thought the
whole thing went very well, and also for me to ask whether a few
umrats would be kind enough to carry Brritski to the waiting ambulance.
I look forward a tasteless 2020 and to seeing you all next year.  Good
night!
A really excellent ceremony, Sid.  I look forward to next year's already.
Thank you, MOPMOB, and to all otherrats who have commented kindly. One
endeavours to give satisfaction.
May I also thank umrats for scrupulously observing the fishpun embargo.
I thought this might be difficult for some, but I didn't notice a single
one all evening. Well done, chaps!
The fishpuns were confined to the back roe and only uttered with baited
breath.
--
Toodle Pip
Mike
2020-01-06 14:51:27 UTC
Permalink
Post by Sid Nuncius
And finally this evening, the coveted award for
General Bad Taste
And to present the Award, please welcome Jeremy Corbyn!
Thank you. I, of course, shall remain neutral on the issue of this
Award. We shall have a period of reflection, after which the NEC will
consider which of the nominees to put to Conference for a full vote
before holding a referendum with…
<BTM wrestles microphone back>
9.1.19
Fenny, nominated by vk
carolet: Tuesday 8th - David fears for the future, and Shula is touched
by a
unexpected gesture.
Fenny: TA's #Me Too moment?
19.1.19 Sam Plusnet, nominated by Kate B
Sam P: Perhaps Matron might need a drop or two of the nerve tonic, we
wouldn't want her to be too upset.
John Ashby: Would that be the Gordons nerve tonic?
Sam P: I was thinking of the Salisbury version.
5.2.19
Mike McT, nominated by Sally
Vicky: He was made with Shula's egg and Mark's sperm. Was the ivf done
after Mark died? If so why did they have his sperm? Did Shula have
difficulty getting pregnant and they were in the middle of treatment?
Mike: It is probably difficult to carry out the IVF procedure if you have a
mobile phone in one hand and the other on a steering wheel.
18.2.19
Brritski, nominated by Sally
Chris McT: Sounds like Russ could be around for awhile so we all need a
cup of his
coffee......
Brritski: With added Rohypnol ?
24.2.19
carolet: Friday 1st - It's a big night for Lee,
krw: Does he cook tuna bake and make real custard for Helen before
getting his end away?
7.3.19
Clive: Henry will say something about defending his mother using karate.
Mike McT: Out of the mouths of babes....
Clive: You are Michael Jackson AICMFP.
Brritski: ITYM IN to the mouths of babes…
29.6.19 Paul Herber nominated by Mike McT
Jenny Benson: I bought some smoked sausages the other day that were made
by the chaps
currently residing at HMP Haverigg. They were SCRUMMY!
Paul: I hope these sausages aren't an attempt to get someone out
without being noticed?
Prisoner 153128, where is your left leg?
14.8.19 Clive nominated by Sally
Joe Kerr: (on how to help an elderly lady who has lost all interest in
everything)
I’m at my wits end and would welcome any recommendations on how to make
her take a more positive outlook and do something to benefit both our lives.
Clive: Dignitas?
2.10.19 Nick Leverton nominated by Vicky and JPG
Vicky: (of a keyboard designed for old people) it is also waterproof!
With drain holes...what do they think old people do with a keyboard?
Nick: That's why the keys are yellow too!
3.10.19 Brritski nominated by Serena
Frankly, this all got rather too complicated to explain fully, but in
response to some obscure bad taste regarding a fellow umrat’s surgery
Sid: But some of us will remember very well. I still think of him very
fondly indeed. Thanks for the reminder, Rosie.
Brritski: Him ? ITYM them...
Sally: BTN (somewhat belatedly)!
BTM: TBH, I'm ambivalent about this one. I shall take this under
advisement, but I'm inclined to say no. Doesn't seem to sit quite right
with me.
Brritski: Rosie didn't sit quite right for a while afterwards either aiui !
And BTAs go to both SAM PLUSNET for his deeply distasteful Salisbury
reference and CLIVE for the thoroughly reprehensible Dignitas remark.
And that concludes the BTA Ceremony 2020. It only remains for me to
mention a very kind text from Prince Andrew saying that he thought the
whole thing went very well, and also for me to ask whether a few umrats
would be kind enough to carry Brritski to the waiting ambulance.
I look forward a tasteless 2020 and to seeing you all next year. Good
night!
Phew! What a relief to know that any doubts of my inability to avoid bad
taste has been vindicated by otherrats in every single class. I may hold my
head up in the certain knowledge that I am more tasteful in my remarks in
the hallowed hallows of UMRA than so many Rats; unaccustomed as I am to
making off-the-cuff speeches, I would just like to give sincere thanks to
the BTM Extraordinaire, his preening acolytes, hangers-on, the venue
owners, the TV crews, Donald Trump, the Seven Dwarves and... UNHAND ME MR.
SECURITY OSSIFER! I’m going - but I’ll be back next year to ....( contd. on
page 94)
--
Toodle Pip
Jenny M Benson
2020-01-07 15:24:35 UTC
Permalink
Post by Sid Nuncius
And that concludes the BTA Ceremony 2020.
I'm sorry I wasn't able to be at the live event, but it was an inspired
idea of the BTM's to have the proceedings filmed and made available on
YouTube. Well done, everybody!
--
Jenny M Benson
Wrexham, UK
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