2021-01-02 09:39:09 UTC
‘ello ‘ello ‘ello. Stives and Ramsey police ‘ere.
Yesterday we ‘ave found this laptop proceeding downstream the river Ooze
and are trying to find the howner, so today we ‘ave posted to the email
addresses found ‘ere and to Basefook and somefink called Thundertird in
a heffort to find the howner.
We believe said howner to be an elderly, rather portly gentleman with
thinning ‘air. We saw a geezer of this description on a hisland in said
river upstream of where we found the computer. He was been beaten by an
attractive slim lady and shouting something about “ungrateful bum rats”
so maybe they have been attacked by rodents. Or they might have been
let down by British Telecomm or been failed to be picked up by a Motor
Vessel as both of these were also mentioned preceded by a hexpletive I
will not repeat ‘ere. Or it could have been something to do with a party
going wrong or he drank too much, as he was also heard to say “I cant
beer assed to do this again”:..
If you know the howner of this laptop, please call PC A Ward at St Ives
1212. I thangyew.