Post by Penny
On Thu, 23 Sep 2021 09:17:32 +0100, Serena Blanchflower
Post by Serena Blanchflower Post by Vicky Ayech
Sniff. Listening now. Alice and Chris. I hope they manage to get
back together at some point.
Yes, that would be good but they would have to fundamentally renegotiate
their relationship for it to work when Alice is sober and a fully
functioning adult. I'm not sure Chris is ready to hear that, so far at
What is it about the previous relationship that won't work now? I
thought it almost unlikely that Chris would get so drunk and Alice
look aftr him, reversing their positions. And until they talked didn't
know he'd looked after her when she had a hangover, presumably aftr he
knew she was alcoholic. When they had the bathroom scene when she
was locked in and over later months I felt Chris was enjoying the
power over Alice in a way I didn't like, but last night he sounded as
if he really understood what was the situation with her now. I have
not understood why she must go away. I did suggest the AA plan says no
close relationships in the first year but was told it didn't mean
We heard him looking after her (or heard references to him having had to
do so), when she had a hangover, many times before they acknowledged she
was an alcoholic.
Their relationship has become, over the years, a classic co-dependent
one, with Alice spinning ever further out of control, and Chris trying,
desperately, to impose some control over their joint lives. As Alice
drank ever more, Chris would be come more controlling, and vice
versa. This is a pretty toxic dynamic and one which would make it very
difficult for Alice to maintain her sobriety. The other aspect of this
is that Sober-Alice is likely to be a very different woman (and want a
very different relationship), compared to either Teenage-Alice (the
woman Chris fell in love with) or Drunken-Alice.
The thing which really surprises me is that we haven't heard any sign of
the clinic either running a family support group, or encouraging Chris,
or Brian&Jenny, to attend either that or any other group such as AlAnon.
When Latex Husbad was in rehab, the clinic did both of those things and
strongly encouraged immediate family members to attend both. That
helped family members understand what was going on and to undo some of
the damage the alcoholism had done to our own lives, as well as the
alcoholics. If partners/parents were willing and able to change the
dynamics of the relationship, it greatly increased the chances of the
alcoholic successfully becoming sober.
 or, as he would see it, protective and loving
 mostly spouses but some parents
 although, sadly, latex husbad came out drinking at least as much as
before he went in.
Best wishes, Serena
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman (Maryon Pearson)