Discussion:
BTA Ceremony Part 1
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Sid Nuncius
2020-01-05 18:21:07 UTC
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Ladies, gentlemen and Brritski, welcome to the BTA ceremony 2020, here
in the magnificent surroundings of the Baltic Centre for Contemporary
Art, Gateshead. Against the advice of the BTM, the management have
insisted that the bar must remain open throughout the evening, so umrats
are asked to exercise restraint and behave with decorum during the Ceremony.
<sotto voce: Yeah right!>

There are some safety notices to be read out at this point:
1. Emergency Exits are clearly marked. Please note your nearest exit in
case things should Get Out Of Hand.
<sotto voce: “In case”? Oh, the innocence of some people.>
2. The use of fishpuns is strictly prohibited during the Ceremony and
all umrats are asked to switch them off. And yes, that *does* include
you, Mike.
<sotto voce: Like that’s going to stop him!>
3. Security have been instructed to take a robust approach to
dissenters. Resistance is futile.

And now, let us begin the BTA Ceremony 2020...

*********************************


The first of our four Bad Taste Categories is:
Bad Taste in the face of death in TA

And to present the Award, please welcome Greta Thunberg!
...
...
...
Er… I’m afraid that Greta isn’t here yet. Apparently, the walk from
Stockholm is taking longer than she anticipated. However, the
sustainably sourced nominations are:

1.2.19
Mike McT, nominated by LFS
carolet: Thursday 7th - There's a guest at Brookfield, and Toby has a
solution to his current problems.
Mike: Toby has just found a copy of ‘101 Ways to Commit Suicide’ in
Lizzy’s waste bin.


13.2.19
Nick Leverton, nominated by SODAM
Nick (of Nigel’s fall): Maybe it was just time to pick up the pieces
and move on.


14.2.19
Mike McT, nominated by Penny
Chris McT: (And a sideways tribute to Nigel’s close friend?)
Mike: A seed that fell on barren ground I’m afraid.

27.4.19 Sam Plusnet, nominated by Chris McT
JPG: ...what (assuming Joe is not re-cast, and we all seem to think
that's unlikely) will happen to
Bartleby and the trap, and for that matter the companion to Bartleby of
whom we've heard neither hide nor hair since she was acquired?
Mike McT: Consigned to the (dis)card index?
Sam: Or in sandwiches at the after-funeral tea?


1.5.19 Paul Herber, nominated by Nick Odell
Mike McT: And Joe will be there in spirit.
Sam Plusnet: What? Like Nelson?
Mike: Separate barrel I believe.
Paul Herber: No, that was Greg Turner.


13.5.19 Jim Easterbrook nominated by Steveski
Sam Plusnet: Greg has been so thoroughly mined for bad taste over the
years, there can't be much of him left.
Jim: He's been quite thinly spread over a wide area.

3.8.19 Brritski Nominated by Jenny
Brritski: I assume Clive was suggesting that Ed was going to do a Greg...
Nick Odell: What? You mean produce outstanding end-of-year results by
launching a vegan sausage roll?
Brritski: Yes, with a delicate coating of grey matter…


7.10.19 Brritski nominated by Mike McT
Brritski: Won't they drop at least part [1] of Joe into the cider vat
in place of the traditional rat?
[1] suggestions on a postcard please. I suggest part of the farmer's lung.


15.10.19 Mike McT and Sam Plusnet nominated by The Purple Potter
Jim Easterbrook: Might Alf be the one to rip open Joe's mattress? Who
knows what savings/horrors lurk within.
Mike McT: ‘Don’t you touch those bones, them’s moiy Susan’s bones thems is!’
Sam: Is that your stock answer?

23.11.19 Mike McT nominated by Nick L.
On the death of Colin Skipp
JPG: Or is Last Word definitely only tied to those who've gone in the
preceding 7 days?
Mike: An organic compost heap takes its time you know.

And the BTA goes to...BRRITSKI for the truly deplorable suggestion about
Farmer’s Lung.
--
Sid (Make sure Matron is away when you reply)
BrritSki
2020-01-05 21:16:40 UTC
Permalink
Post by Sid Nuncius
Ladies, gentlemen and Brritski, welcome to the BTA ceremony 2020, here
in the magnificent surroundings of the Baltic Centre for Contemporary
Art, Gateshead.  Against the advice of the BTM, the management have
insisted that the bar must remain open throughout the evening, so umrats
are asked to exercise restraint and behave with decorum during the Ceremony.
<sotto voce: Yeah right!>
1. Emergency Exits are clearly marked.  Please note your nearest exit in
case things should Get Out Of Hand.
<sotto voce:  “In case”?  Oh, the innocence of some people.>
2.  The use of fishpuns is strictly prohibited during the Ceremony and
all umrats are asked to switch them off. And yes, that *does* include
you, Mike.
<sotto voce: Like that’s going to stop him!>
3.  Security have been instructed to take a robust approach to
dissenters.   Resistance is futile.
And now, let us begin the BTA Ceremony 2020...
*********************************
Bad Taste in the face of death in TA
And to present the Award, please welcome Greta Thunberg!
...
...
...
Er… I’m afraid that Greta isn’t here yet.  Apparently, the walk from
Stockholm is taking longer than she anticipated.  However, the
1.2.19
Mike McT, nominated by LFS
carolet: Thursday 7th - There's a guest at Brookfield, and Toby has a
solution to his current problems.
Mike: Toby has just found a copy of ‘101 Ways to Commit Suicide’ in
Lizzy’s waste bin.
13.2.19
Nick Leverton, nominated by SODAM
Nick (of Nigel’s fall):  Maybe it was just time to pick up the pieces
and move on.
14.2.19
Mike McT, nominated by Penny
Chris McT: (And a sideways tribute to Nigel’s close friend?)
Mike: A seed that fell on barren ground I’m afraid.
27.4.19 Sam Plusnet, nominated by Chris McT
JPG: ...what (assuming Joe is not re-cast, and we all seem to think
that's unlikely) will happen to
Bartleby and the trap, and for that matter the companion to Bartleby of
whom we've heard neither hide nor hair since she was acquired?
Mike McT: Consigned to the (dis)card index?
Sam: Or in sandwiches at the after-funeral tea?
1.5.19  Paul Herber, nominated by Nick Odell
Mike McT: And Joe will be there in spirit.
Sam Plusnet: What?  Like Nelson?
Mike: Separate barrel I believe.
Paul Herber: No, that was Greg Turner.
13.5.19  Jim Easterbrook nominated by Steveski
Sam Plusnet: Greg has been so thoroughly mined for bad taste over the
years, there can't be much of him left.
Jim: He's been quite thinly spread over a wide area.
3.8.19 Brritski Nominated by Jenny
Brritski: I assume Clive was suggesting that Ed was going to do a Greg...
Nick Odell: What? You mean produce outstanding end-of-year results by
launching a vegan sausage roll?
Brritski: Yes, with a delicate coating of grey matter…
7.10.19 Brritski nominated by Mike McT
Brritski:  Won't they drop at least part [1] of Joe into the cider vat
in place of the traditional rat?
[1] suggestions on a postcard please. I suggest part of the farmer's lung.
15.10.19 Mike McT and Sam Plusnet nominated by The Purple Potter
Jim Easterbrook: Might Alf be the one to rip open Joe's mattress? Who
knows what savings/horrors lurk within.
Mike McT: ‘Don’t you touch those bones, them’s moiy Susan’s bones thems is!’
Sam: Is that your stock answer?
23.11.19 Mike McT nominated by Nick L.
On the death of Colin Skipp
JPG: Or is Last Word definitely only tied to those who've gone in the
preceding 7 days?
Mike: An organic compost heap takes its time you know.
And the BTA goes to...BRRITSKI for the truly deplorable suggestion about
Farmer’s Lung.
Well bless my sole, I thangyew, I cod'nt have done it without <removes
peeled onion from pocket and reads long list of names sobbing loudly?.

And now, all rays your glasses in a toast to Sid, ling may he reign as
neoBTM !

Ooops, I forgot about the fishpuns...

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