Discussion:
Cracker Jokes
(too old to reply)
Mike
2018-12-28 10:19:20 UTC
Permalink
At this time of year, groans over the crackers usually relate to reallybad
or cornt jokes in crackers... in the very unlikely event that anyRat has
come across a good cracker joke..... would they care to ‘crack’ it here
please?
--
Toodle Pip
Vicky Ayech
2018-12-28 10:55:09 UTC
Permalink
Post by Mike
At this time of year, groans over the crackers usually relate to reallybad
or cornt jokes in crackers... in the very unlikely event that anyRat has
come across a good cracker joke..... would they care to ‘crack’ it here
please?
No crackers here, but Alexa says:
What's the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum. You just can't beat it.

What kind of motorbike did Santa drive?
A Holly Davidson.

What do you think of fireworks?
I'd say they are pretty dynamite.
Flop
2018-12-28 12:49:18 UTC
Permalink
Post by Mike
At this time of year, groans over the crackers usually relate to reallybad
or cornt jokes in crackers... in the very unlikely event that anyRat has
come across a good cracker joke..... would they care to ‘crack’ it here
please?
10 Christmas cracker jokes:
1. How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey? On the dark side
2. What happened to Santa when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker
3. What’s the most popular Christmas wine? “I don’t like sprouts!”
4. What happened when Santa got stuck in a chimney? He felt Claus-trophobic
5. Why can’t a bike stand up by itself? It’s two-tyred
6. What has four wheels and flies? A bin lorry
7. How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he’s visited? He
keeps a logbook
8. What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps
9. Why was Cinderella no good at football? Because her coach was a pumpkin
10. How did Scrooge win the football match? The ghost of Christmas passed

Sorry :-(
--
Flop

I want to re-marry my ex.
She thinks I am after my money.
Sid Nuncius
2018-12-28 15:58:47 UTC
Permalink
Post by Flop
Post by Mike
At this time of year, groans over the crackers usually relate to reallybad
or cornt jokes in crackers... in the very unlikely event that anyRat has
come across a good cracker joke..... would they care to ‘crack’ it here
please?
1. How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey? On the dark side
2. What happened to Santa when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker
3. What’s the most popular Christmas wine? “I don’t like sprouts!”
4. What happened when Santa got stuck in a chimney? He felt Claus-trophobic
5. Why can’t a bike stand up by itself? It’s two-tyred
6. What has four wheels and flies? A bin lorry
7. How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he’s visited? He
keeps a logbook
8. What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps
9. Why was Cinderella no good at football? Because her coach was a pumpkin
10. How did Scrooge win the football match? The ghost of Christmas passed
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive here so let me in.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ivor.
Ivor who?
Ivor you open the door or I'm coming in through the window.

And Flop thought *he* needed to apologise...
--
Sid (Make sure Matron is away when you reply)
BrritSki
2018-12-28 16:00:40 UTC
Permalink
Post by Sid Nuncius
Post by Flop
Post by Mike
At this time of year, groans over the crackers usually relate to reallybad
or cornt jokes in crackers... in the very unlikely event that anyRat has
come across a good cracker joke..... would they care to ‘crack’ it here
please?
1. How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey? On the dark side
2. What happened to Santa when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker
3. What’s the most popular Christmas wine? “I don’t like sprouts!”
4. What happened when Santa got stuck in a chimney? He felt
Claus-trophobic
5. Why can’t a bike stand up by itself? It’s two-tyred
6. What has four wheels and flies? A bin lorry
7. How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he’s visited? He
keeps a logbook
8. What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps
9. Why was Cinderella no good at football? Because her coach was a pumpkin
10. How did Scrooge win the football match? The ghost of Christmas passed
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive here so let me in.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ivor.
Ivor who?
Ivor you open the door or I'm coming in through the window.
And Flop thought *he* needed to apologise...
My 6 yo agd was very pleased with her joke this Christmas:
How do you make 7 even ?
Take the S off.

It's the way she tells em...
Chris McMillan
2018-12-30 18:46:04 UTC
Permalink
Post by BrritSki
Post by Sid Nuncius
Post by Flop
Post by Mike
At this time of year, groans over the crackers usually relate to reallybad
or cornt jokes in crackers... in the very unlikely event that anyRat has
come across a good cracker joke..... would they care to ‘crack’ it here
please?
1. How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey? On the dark side
2. What happened to Santa when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker
3. What’s the most popular Christmas wine? “I don’t like sprouts!”
4. What happened when Santa got stuck in a chimney? He felt
Claus-trophobic
5. Why can’t a bike stand up by itself? It’s two-tyred
6. What has four wheels and flies? A bin lorry
7. How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he’s visited? He
keeps a logbook
8. What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps
9. Why was Cinderella no good at football? Because her coach was a pumpkin
10. How did Scrooge win the football match? The ghost of Christmas passed
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive here so let me in.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ivor.
Ivor who?
Ivor you open the door or I'm coming in through the window.
And Flop thought *he* needed to apologise...
How do you make 7 even ?
Take the S off.
It's the way she tells em...
That’s extremely good!

Sincerely Chris

steveski
2018-12-29 00:51:12 UTC
Permalink
Post by Sid Nuncius
Post by Mike
At this time of year, groans over the crackers usually relate to
reallybad or cornt jokes in crackers... in the very unlikely event
that anyRat has come across a good cracker joke..... would they care
to ‘crack’ it here please?
1. How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey? On the dark side 2.
What happened to Santa when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker
3. What’s the most popular Christmas wine? “I don’t like sprouts!” 4.
What happened when Santa got stuck in a chimney? He felt
Claus-trophobic 5. Why can’t a bike stand up by itself? It’s two-tyred
6. What has four wheels and flies? A bin lorry 7. How does Santa keep
track of all the fireplaces he’s visited? He keeps a logbook 8. What do
snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps 9. Why was Cinderella no good at
football? Because her coach was a pumpkin 10. How did Scrooge win the
football match? The ghost of Christmas passed
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive here so let me in.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ivor.
Ivor who?
Ivor you open the door or I'm coming in through the window.
And Flop thought *he* needed to apologise...
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Avon - your bell's broken.
--
Steveski
DavidK
2018-12-29 10:04:21 UTC
Permalink
Post by Sid Nuncius
Post by Sid Nuncius
Post by Mike
At this time of year, groans over the crackers usually relate to
reallybad or cornt jokes in crackers... in the very unlikely event
that anyRat has come across a good cracker joke..... would they care
to ‘crack’ it here please?
1. How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey? On the dark side 2.
What happened to Santa when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker
3. What’s the most popular Christmas wine? “I don’t like sprouts!” 4.
What happened when Santa got stuck in a chimney? He felt
Claus-trophobic 5. Why can’t a bike stand up by itself? It’s two-tyred
6. What has four wheels and flies? A bin lorry 7. How does Santa keep
track of all the fireplaces he’s visited? He keeps a logbook 8. What do
snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps 9. Why was Cinderella no good at
football? Because her coach was a pumpkin 10. How did Scrooge win the
football match? The ghost of Christmas passed
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive here so let me in.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ivor.
Ivor who?
Ivor you open the door or I'm coming in through the window.
And Flop thought *he* needed to apologise...
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Avon - your bell's broken.
I studied archaeology at university; now my life is in ruins
agsmith578688@gmail.com Tony Smith Prestbury Glos.
2018-12-28 13:30:36 UTC
Permalink
Post by Mike
At this time of year, groans over the crackers usually relate to reallybad
or cornt jokes in crackers... in the very unlikely event that anyRat has
come across a good cracker joke..... would they care to ‘crack’ it here
please?
--
Toodle Pip
What is one of Father Christmas's deputies called? A subordinate Claus
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